We got married July 19, 2008 and immediately began trying to have children. We knew we wanted a family right away and hoped we'd get pregnant fairly quickly.
A year went by and no such luck. At my yearly appointment, I asked my doctor about it. She ordered some tests and I had some blood work done.
I have a terrible time with blood work. I pass out very easily, have very rolly veins and most of the time they can't see them to begin with. So after multiple blood draws, they determined that I had extremely high prolactin. Some of my other hormones were out of whack as well, but that was the most glaring.
So they ordered an MRI, as brain tumors often cause elevated prolactin.
I had an MRI (no tumors).
Ultrasounds.
An HSG.
A glucose test.
Blood draws.
The fertility specialist we went to (who we didn't research ahead of time, we were very naive) said I had PCOS, but my tubes were clear. **Update** (Feb 2012) I just went to my annual visit with a new doctor and she confirmed what I thought all along, that I don't, in fact, have PCOS.
Finally they did a SA on Jeremy. With terrible results, both times. He produces very little (almost nothing). And they don't move.
In Nov. 2009, we were told that we would not conceive children on our own. With both of us lacking in healthy reproductive parts, the chances were smaller than slim. We had to explain that we were morally opposed to methods presented to us. We were given the worst news of our lives and the doctor argued with us.
Her parting words were, "So you'd rather be childless and unhappy the rest of your lives than compromise your values?"
I said, "I will have children and I will be happy. And I will NOT deny the TRUTH of what God has set forth for us to live by."
After an emotional drive home, we moved on. Honestly, I'm surprised I "got over it" so quickly. I didn't want to put my energy in feeling sorry for myself, I wanted to DO something about growing our family. Adoption had always been something we had considered and after some prayer, God made it very clear that adoption was the path he was leading us down.
That was the abbrieviated version. Throughout all of this, hearing friends announce their pregnancies all around me was extremely difficult. It seemed like everyone got pregnant as soon as they decided to and I was angry with God for giving us this challenge in our marriage. However, our infertility only made our marriage stronger. And God clearly had a plan in mind. His plan is still unfolding in our family and I'm excited to see what's in store.
Through our infertility, God taught me patience and how to give up control. Through adoption God has taught me how to love on a deeper level than I ever thought possible.
3 comments:
God bless you for 'walking the walk' with your infertility cross and not compromising your values- your beautiful daughter is testimony to your faithfulness!
Just dropping in to say you aren't alone in this. Our infertility story went almost exactly the same way. My last appointment with the fertility clinic, the head of the clinic was doing the ultrasound while lecturing me about "getting around your morals" while our oldest daughter, adopted a month before, blew raspberries behind his back... which is about what I thought of his advice!
Thank you for being faithful!
I know I've shared with you before, but I have always found your story incredibly inspiring and it challenges me to look deeper at my own faith and God's calling for my life. It is rare to find people with the courage to stand by their convictions as you have, and now you have two beautiful blessings to show for it - children who will have an amazingly blessed life in your care and who will no doubt grow up with an understanding of love and a passion for faith that they may not have gotten otherwise. You are example for so many couples facing challenges that test their faith and values.
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