Holidays

As we head towards the end of the year and approach multiple holidays, I can't help but think about holidays past. 

Each year, we hoped and prayed for a child.  And each year, the holidays rolled around and it was still just the two of us. 

It really was only 3 years, but it felt like an eternity.  And I hated feeling like I just had to get through them.  Maybe part of it was that we'd been together for so long (we're going on 10 years together).  When you've spent 7 Christmas with just the two of you and you're hoping and praying for a child, another 3 is almost torture.

The holidays were hard.  Being around so much family with so many children around and everyone asking "So when are you guys going to have kids?"  A lot of times, I just wanted to crawl in a hole.  I wanted to shout, "If it were only that easy!"  I usually just said something like "Whenever God blesses us with children."  But what I said in my head was "Mind your own business, it's a very touchy subject!"

Infertility affects you every single day.  And I haven't touched on it much since we've adopted Anna, but that doesn't mean the emotions that come with have gone away completely.  I'm grateful for our daughter, each and every day.  And I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of Adoption.  It is truly a blessing and something I treasure a lot. 

In reality, it's kind of hard to explain.  I don't ever long to be pregnant.  In fact, it was always something that scared me and was never something I looked forward to.  I don't ever long for a child that looks like me.  To me those things have just never mattered.  Infertility affects me in that it takes away all of my control. 

And maybe that's what I need...

So anyway, I didn't mean for this to be a post about infertility, but it's been on my mind lately. 

I'm finally looking foward to the holidays this year.  I look forward to sharing the traditions that Jeremy and I have begun with Anna.  I look forward to making new ones.  I look forward to sharing the birth of Christ with my daughter and helping her understand it in the years to come.  I'm looking forward to eating turkey and stuffing with her on Thanksgiving and teaching her how to take a nice football nap.  I'm looking forward to answering the door tonight with my cute little ladybug and handing out candy.  And I'm looking forward to the focus being on the blessing we've been given through Anna instead of the cross we've been given through infertility. 

And I'm keeping in my prayers all of those who long for a child and are still waiting.  And I pray for patience, hope, and peace.

8 Months Old

Our baby girl is 8 months old today!  Where has the time gone?  She is just such a big ball of fun right now.  Here are some things she's doing:

She's been smiling really goofy lately...

"Here mom, take a picture of giraffe!"

 

- Crawling:  She's been doing this for 2 months now, but boy is she fast all of the sudden!

- Standing:  She pulls herself up on everything and now lets go with both hands! She's stood by herself quite a bit now and will stand until she decides to get down and crawl.  She also tries to stand from a sitting position but hasn't figured that out yet...  it won't be long!

- Cruising:  She walks all over furniture all the time.  She also will walk holding our hands now.  In fact, she walked down the aisle at my sister's wedding with Jeremy holing one hand and me holding the other!  It was super cute!

- Eating:  She eats primarily "real" food now, not pureed stuff.  She doesn't want the purees.  She wants the chunky stuff we're eating.  There's not really anything we don't give her, she'll eat it all!  She hasn't had any food reactions thus far, so hopefully she won't have any food allergies! 

- Growing:  Boy does she do that fast!  She's around 20 lbs (YIKES!)  but seems to be pretty proportionate.  Honestly I think most of her weight is muscle.  She is so STRONG!  Way stronger than most babies her age or older.  I can't believe some of the things she can do/push/pull!  For instance, she loves to open our desk drawer that is filled with files.  It takes a lot of effort for ME to get it open.  She opens it with no problem!  She's well into her 12 month clothes now.  Hopefully she'll spend more time in this size than she did in the last!

- Talking:  This has never been a problem for our Anna!  She LOVES to talk and babbles more now than ever!  Yesterday morning she woke up happily chatting/shouting in her crib.  From then on, she shouted all day long!  She's loud and likes to be the center of attention!

Having a tea party with daddy!  He's the best daddy ever!

Every time she sees the camera, she comes racing towards it... So close-up facial shots are becoming quite common :-)

This one's for Papa, enjoying her Illini basketball!  Ignore the super terribly put together outfit!

Slam dunk!

And finally, as an 8 month old, she already knows the finer things in life.  She absolutely LOVES backrubs from daddy!  They're just too sweet together, I am so blessed!

Family date night

Boy am I glad the good days outweigh the bad days!  Napping seems to be the key componet for me the babies. 

Tuesday was rough, but yesterday consisted of a trip to McD's to play with friends. 

Playing with ribbon off of my sister's wedding gifts.  I told her I'd always take free ribbon!  I love to make bows.  Apparently its good for something else too!

Really good naps.

Lots of smiles and laughs!

And family date night!

Wednesdays are designated as "date nights".  Usually this means that Wednesdays are left open with no other activities.  We eat a dinner together (which happens most nights, but ALWAYS on Wed.).  We usually go somewhere as a family, whether it's to the mall to just walk around, or on a walk, picnic, park, store, wherever, just to get out.  Then when Anna goes to bed, Jeremy and I watch our two favorite shows (which are on on Wed).  It's the one night a week we sit down to watch TV.  We enjoy watching our shows together and simply hanging out.  We usually stay up late talking and although we sometimes regret it Thursday morning, it's so nice to have that time set aside uninterupted.

So last night was one of our family date nights.  We went out for dinner (a big luxury around here).  We went to our favorite little cafe, Cafe Italia.  They have authentic, from Italy, food and its amazingly delicious.  The guys in there know us and although they didn't have gelato last night, we always get some of the straight from Italy gelato.  They're currently moving to a new location (bigger, more seats) to accodate the demand so they'll be closed for a month.  We wanted one more peek of the cafe as it was.  It was really nice and Anna enjoyed the bread big time!  And they gave her some free biscotti to munch on (and more to take home) because they just love seeing her!

Then we wandered around the mall and bought Anna her Christmas present.  It's really early, but it's something she can use now.  It's a little walker/ride on toy.  I had coupons and store credit, so we got it for just $8!  And she's enjoyed it a lot!  And we're going to wrap up the box to put under the tree since she loved the box more than the toy!

Then we went to Confession and Mass at the Newman Center.  We came home, put Anna to bed, and enjoyed our time together!

It was wonderful and just what I needed!

Bad day

Today is not a good day.

Babies being accident prone.

Terrible nap for one and no nap at all for the other.

Scratches on faces.

Crying whenever I stand up or heaven forbid leave the room.

Lots of tears from all of us.

What is the deal?  Why do I feel like I'm failing at this mom/nanny thing today?  Why can't I stop being so frustrated today?  Where did my patience go this morning?

I want snuggles and smiles and giggles and laughs like I get every other day...  And I want to feel like I'm doing my best and giving the kiddos my best... Somehow I can't seem to do that today.

I need to start today over again.

So I'm going to do just that this evening.  It's monthly confession time.  And hopefully we'll have time to stick around for Mass afterwards too...  I need a fresh start today.  Thankfully thorugh Confession and the Eucharist I can get it!

Wedding Weekend

We started off my sister's wedding weekend with guests.  I've mentioned them in the last few posts and it was SOOO great to see them!  Here is a picture recap of our weekend!

From left: Gracie, Anna, Katie, Joey.  Anna thoroughly enjoyed all of the attention.

From left: Joey, Gaby, Gracie, Anna, Katie.  I don't think she got enough attention this weekend!

From left: Me, Joey, Gaby, Gracie, Maggie.  Here I am beating them all at Mari.o Ka.rt

Katie and Anna playing

While I was playing Wii with the big kids, Jeremy was playing "Dinner Party" with the little kids in the playroom.  He really is the best husband and dad ever!

This is our wedding day "before" picture.  We had a little drama that morning with our little flower girl.  Anna woke up with her eye matted shut and she'd been coughing for a few days.  So while I got my hair done, Jeremy, in his tux, took her to the Dr. (who doesn't take walk-ins on Sat but felt bad for a daddy and his clearly sick baby, in a tux, on wedding day).  She had pink eye (the bacterial kind, from her clogged tear duct) and bronchitis (from her allergies settling in her chest).  So after some meds she was just fine and was a perfect angel all day long!  And we made sure she wasn't contagious!

Us and the Seidel family!

Our family!

Daddy and his droopy eyed daughter!

Anna and Katie dancing!

The wedding cake I made for them!

She got very clingy as bedtime came and went.  But as long as she was in my arms, she was a happy girl!  And she was grateful to be out of the dress and in her comfy pjs.

And here's her today, after 12 hours of sleep, she's fully recovered and ready to play!

We are so happy for Sara and Kel!  It was a beautiful wedding and I can't wait to see the photographer's pictures!  We had so much fun and it's so wonderful to see a marriage begin!  Lots of prayers coming your way Sara and Kel!

Friends and Family

My sister gets married tomorrow!  Yay!!!!

And its so great to have our dear friends in town staying with us.  They have 5 children and Jeremy and I used to baby-sit them when they lived here.  They've sinced moved 8 hours away to the very cold state of Minnesota. 

We haven't seen them in a year and a half due to snow storms, flus and babies.  The kids are SOOO BIG!!  Why do they have to grow up so fast? 

It's been so fun to see them, talk to them, catch up.  They'ved loved seeing Anna, especially little Katie (7).  She said she's Anna's new friend.  She was so excited to play with Anna while Anna took a bath last night and she got to read her bedtime stories with Grace (9).  I remember reading them bedtime stories not that long ago.  Now they can read them to my daughter...  It made me tear up a little bit! 

It's just so great to see them.  Our home is filled with girly chatter (they have 4 girls and a boy).  And Joey (11) can't get enough of chatting with the guys and seeing his buddy Jeremy!  Gaby (14) and Maggie (12) are so big now with Gabs in high school and Mags in jr. high!  Gaby will learn to drive in January because she'll turn 15 in dec! 

Not only do we get to spend the weekend with them, but all of our family is coming into town!  We've seen family a lot this year with weddings and 100th birthdays, and we're so excited to see them all again!  We are so blessed to have such wonderful families.  It's always a blast!! 

We're so blessed!

Out

I have a feeling we may not be getting out much during the days as the weather continues to get colder.

I went out this morning (and its 40 degrees) and it consisted of:

Putting on two sets of coats and hats...

Taking off those same coats to put two babies in their carseats...

Putting those same coats back on after getting both babies out of their carseats...

Climbing in the backseat and...

Getting one baby in a sling...

One baby in a stroller...

While trying to make sure they're warm...

And happy...

And that I don't look like a frazzled mess once I get where I was going...

Maybe once one of them starts walking.

Oh yeah, don't forget diaper bags...  And keys...

I have to say, as heavy as they are, it was nice when I had 2 babies in infant carriers with buntings that covered them head to toe! :-)

And I will be very good at the coat/carseat shuffle when (God willing) we're blessed with a second adoption!

And I'm definitely not complaining.  I am joyful that I have a reason to stay in this winter.  I am joyful that instead of running errands, I'm snuggling babies and playing with them and watching them grow!

Family/6 month/Adoption pictures

We had our family pictures taken on Anna's Adoption Day.  The girl who has taken all of our pictures for us is a family friend, is a senior in high school, and is amazingly talented with a camera.  We'll have to plan all of our future photo sessions around her school breaks when she goes away to Franciscan!  Here are the favorites:

Quick Takes (3)

--- 1 ---

Anna most definitely went through a growth spurt last week.  One night, she fit her 9mo. pjs, the next night they didn't fit at all.  She was eating and sleeping like crazy and I was having to wake her up in the morning and from naps.  This week she's tapered off the eating and is waking up on her own (earlier than I'd like :-) but still sleeping 10-11 hours straight at night.  She's now in her 12mo. clothes and seems to have stopped the growth spurt, for now at least.  So we've been scrambling to get her some clothes for this size, we had very few!  Thank goodness for some gift cards!

--- 2 ---

Our very dear friends are coming in for my sister's wedding next weekend and staying with us.  They moved to MN a few years ago and we've been to visit them every year before Christmas.  Except this past year, when we thought baby boy was going to be born.  We also were leary of the weather, as they were predicted to receive a huge snow storm that week, and they did in fact receive it.  We've been stuck in a snow storm coming back from there once (4 hours sitting on I-80) and it was NOT fun.  So it's been almost 2 years since we've seen them and their 5 kids.  And they're not so little anymore!  And they can't wait to meet Anna!

--- 3 ---

We're heading up to visit our good friends Jon and Justine this weekend to see them and meet their son Theodore!  He's being baptized this weekend and we're his Godparents.  We cannot wait to meet him!

--- 4 ---

While we're on the topic of good friends...  We are so missing Anna's Godparents right now.  They moved to Pensylvania a few months ago and have since had a baby boy, Matthias, who we want to see so bad.  I just don't know if we're going to be able to make it out there before they come here for Christmas.  But boy are we missing them...

--- 5 ---

The endless raking of leaves has begun at our house. We actually really enjoy it and boy are our trees beautiful! Only one has dropped all of its leaves so far and we managed to get them all raked before it rained this week (saving us from a soggy, leafy mess). Our tree out front is 100% gorgeous, its like firery red and is the most beautiful tree. It's started to drop and our front yard is littered with gorgeous red leaves. The big trees will start changing here soon and that's when the real work begins :-)! I love to just sit in the window and watch the leaves fall!

I don't like that blogger tries to auto adjust my photos and decide for me whether they're landscape or portrait.  Anyone know how to fix this? 

--- 6 ---

My sister's wedding is next weekend!  We're really looking forward to it, and we're so happy for my sister,Sara, and her soon-to-be husband, Kelsey!

--- 7 ---

I love that I have had to replace decorative things with toys around the house.  I don't like things messy, but I do love seeing baby toys strewn about (until I pick them up that is...).  Picture frames were replaced with teethers and photo albums replaced with shape sorters and fall decorations placed up high to avoid little hands and to make room for stacking cups.  It makes me smile every day and I'm so thankful for the blessing of my daughter.  What a joy she is in our lives! 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Chaos to Quiet

Yesterday was chaos.

Today is quiet.

Yesterday consisted of:
lunchtime meltdowns and babies not eating said lunches.
Jeremy doing all of the dishes on his lunchbreak because I was on the verge of a meltdown.
babies scaling my legs while I attempted to change diapers.
naptime battles in which two cranky babies boycotted going to sleep but thankfully took very long naps.

Today consisted of:
lunch eaten by all, quietly, happily, and enjoyably.
me getting all of the dishes done while the babies played peacefully with fridge magnets.
babies shaking rattles and banged cups while I changed diapers.
babies quietly drifting off to sleep with smiles on their faces.


Why are some days like yesterday?  I haven't figured it out yet, but I definitely enjoy the todays.  I don't know if it's my attitude, weather, or what, but today has been an absolute joy and full of laughter.  And yesterday was frustrating and made me feel as though I was failing. 

Unfortunately I don't have any answers, but I'm enjoying every minute of today and since I have all of my "chores" done, I think I will go dive into a good book.  Reading is quiet and peaceful, just like my day so far!

And as a side note, I love to see Anna beginning to understand the concept of sharing.  It's so nice to have a playmate for her around every day.  She's been terrible about taking toys from other kids and she's finally started to follow my lead of choosing something different to play with until they're done.  After lots of gentle explaining and distracting and firm "no"s, she's getting the concept.  It is so fun to watch the babies interact.  They love to play and chase each other crawling.  They talk back and forth and play "music" together with rattles and toys to bang.   They're both so darn cute!!  I'm lucky to be able to stay home and to watch Luke.  I'm glad that I can snuggle my Anna and that Luke's mom can know that while she has to be away, her baby is getting lots of snuggles and individual attention. 

While some days I question it, I know this is what God wants me to be doing.  Less common days like yesterday make me value the sweet days like today.

Clumsy

I've always been clumsy.  It's evident by the large amounts of scars on my knees.

This week has been exceptionally clumsy...

First I dropped a bowl of cereal that I was eating.  All over our couch. 

Then as I was going downstairs to clean up the cereal mess, I fell down the stairs.  I have a rather large bruise on my hip, a swollen toe, and a scraped up arm.  But I did save the baby monitor...

Then I dropped Anna's oatmeal the next morning for breakfast.  In a glass bowl.  I'm lucky it didn't break.  But oatmeal turns to concrete pretty quickly, let me tell you! 

And I tripped over the baby gate upstairs in our hallway, knocking the whole thing over and waking Anna up from her nap.

Then I dropped a full cup of water on the floor.

Then I ran into my jewelry chest in the middle of the night causing a big bruise.

And if all that wasn't enough in the last 4 days, this morning I dropped a FULL container of uncooked oats on the floor.  While Anna and Luke were standing hanging onto my legs in the kitchen.

I feel like maybe I should wrap myself in bubble wrap so as to avoid more bruises before my sister's wedding next weekend!

Or maybe I should just try to be more careful.

And then as soon as I published this, I went into the kitchen to do the dishes and lo and behold, I had forgotten to screw the cap back onto the dish soap-dispensing sponge...  What a mess!!!

Saturday Snapshots

Having pancakes in our pjs!  She loves pancakes!!

Eating crackers and cheese on our Saturday afternoon picnic in the park!



Playing in the leaves with daddy.

Playing with a leaf.  She loves to crunch them!

Prayers for a friend

Please say an extra prayer for a friend today!  It's a very exciting yet nerve-wracking day for them I'm sure.  She's a neighbor, someone who I used to ride to school with.  They got married the same day Jeremy and I did and have tried to have children ever since.  After we began our adoption process and then were matched with a bm, they decided to look into adoption.

So they've been approved, had been waiting and today they got news that they're bringing home a baby boy!  I don't know all the details, but please pray that all goes smoothly and that they can enjoy their new son worry-free!  I'm so excited for them, what a blessing!!!!

Anna's Eyes 2

Could those eyes get any more beautiful?  Really?  When she flashes those giant brown eyes at me, I melt.  I cannot help but pick her up and snuggle her!  She sure knows how to work it!  Thanks R for passing on the most beautiful eyes ever to our babygirl!

On School

The schooling of my children is something that I've thought a lot about recently.  The way I see it, there are three options: homeschool, public school, and Catholic school.  Now I've always assumed that when the time came, my kids would go to one of the Catholic schools in town (the one I went to probably) and that would be that! 

However, I now have a lot of friends with kids in Catholic school and while I would love my kids to be able to go to school with their kids, it's incredibly expensive.  Looking at the cost of tuition and looking at our yearly income, I don't see where it will fit.  People always say that you just sacrifice in other ways.  Well, we're at that point already, sacrificing in other ways, to afford adoption.  How can we afford to continue to adopt children AND pay for Catholic school?  I don't see a few thousand dollars of extras in our budget...

So I think about the other options.  Obviously at this point, we have a few years (5 or so) and our income could change pretty dramatically in that time, and it may not even be an issue.  But for now, I'll do my research so that when the time comes, I'm ready for whatever decisions face me (notice my organized/no surprises personality coming out). 

So what about homeschooling?  Well, let's just say that it's not for our family.  I know a lot of people who homeschool and do it well.  I applaud them for that.  I'm not that person.  People will argue with me and try to persuade me that I'm wrong, but the reality is all families are different.  No one way of doing something is better or worse than another when it comes to schooling.  In the last year, thinking about my children's futures, I've realized that there are a lot of things in life that I've passed judgments on very hastily.  The reality is, outside of moral circumstances, different opinions and lifestyles are good.  It's important to be surrounded by people who are different than you.  How else can you become tolerant and accepting?  How else can you learn that God alone can judge?  And again, I'm not talking about morally different, I want my family to spend time with people whose morals match ours.  That is important to our family because we believe in the Truth of what the Church teaches, not in interpreting morals for ourselves.

 Okay, sorry for that digression, just had to get that out there!  So what about public school?  Our public schools around here are very good schools.  We have two school districts and the "competition" to be better than the other makes for outstanding teachers and staff I feel.  Like I said, though, I'm leery of my children hanging out with people whose morals and values are different.  Then I ready this article at NCR.  Much of this is how I feel.  I hope my children can be examples of friendship, kindness, love, loyalty, and most of all faith among their peers.  Whether that is in public or Catholic schools, I want that for them.  The article softened my heart to the possibility of public schooling.

So then it makes me realize that I will also, in fact, homeschool in a way.  Anna's moral development should start here, in my home.  I have to build her a foundation of rock, not sand, so that her schooling can build on that.  What a responsibility that is.  It makes me look at my own faith life and realize I have a long way to go, in a very short amount of time.  So that when Anna looks at me, her mother, she wants to imitate grace and love, kindness and generosity.  Not fear or impatience.  Not frustration or worry. 

Looks like I'd better start working on that now.

St. Anne... pray for me!

St. Clare... pray for me!

St. Gianna... pray for me!

Mother Mary... pray for me!