Big stuff!

Here's a short video of Anna and her sippy cup.  She LOVES cups, so we got her some of her own a month ago and she took to them quickly!  We put a little water in there and she goes to town.  A lot ends up on her shirt, but she definitely has the hang of it!

Now that she can roll over, she spends lots of time on her tummy and as of today has figured out how to army crawl, although she's not fast yet, she will be soon!

Such a ham at 5 months old!

5 Months Old

Today Anna is 5 months old!  It's hard to believe time is going so fast.  Although, I also feel like she's always been a part of our lives, so in that sense, time has gone slow :-).  I love every minute of watching her grow and learn and she amazes us with new things every day.  Here are a few of her most recent accomplishments.

- Rolling over.  She's been rolling front to back for a while now but had NO desire to go the other way, as being on her tummy makes her extremely frstrated!  Until this week, that is.  She decided last night to just go for it (we knew she could do it, she just refused to).  And of course, daddy was watching her, I was in the other room... Now she's a rolling machine!

- Sitting up.  Actually, she was going this like a month and a half ago, but she's getting even better at it now.  She almost never falls over and likes to be able to sit and see everything!

-  Fake laughing.  Not a typical milestone, but it's funny and she loves to do it.  She like does this fake laugh in order to get attention and the more she does it the more she ends up laughing for real.  It's very cute and we've been trying to catch it on video, but we've had no such luck.

-  Eating.  She's started eating rice.  I've been making my own with brown rice by pureeing it, cooking it, freezing it.  She is finally enjoying it, she simply tolerated it for a week or to.  Now she looks forward to eating and it's helped fill her up so she goes a little longer between bottles during the day.

- Sleeping.  The kid's a sleeping machine!  She LOVES her sleep thank goodness.  She goes anywhere from 11-13 hours straight at night and has been putting herself to sleep at night and during the night if for some strange reason she does wake up.   Instead of crying she plays with her hands and her feet and does "laps" in her crib until she settles down, tucks her hands behind her head, and goes to sleep!  We're finally getting a better nap schedule out of her, I think the nap strike is over and boy am I glad! 

-  Seperation anxiety.  Her doctor said usually 6-8 months is when this kicks in, but since she does everything else early, why not do this early too?  She's a total momma's girl and wants me to be within eyesight and most of the time in my arms.  She does better with other people when we're somewhere familiar like at home, and I'm still there, but when we're out somewhere, forget it!  I can't say I mind all that much, I'm so grateful to have a child who needs me and I know this phase will pass.  Honestly, I think the severity of it has a lot to do with the multiple seperations she's been through in her short life.  So the advice I've received is to make sure that when she cries for me, I pick her up and give her snuggles and help her understand that I always come back.  Oh darn, more baby snuggles from my sweetie pie!

She's had a busy few months, she's growing so fast and getting so cute and hitting so many milestones so fast (and early!).  We're so grateful to have her as a daughter!

Minnie Mouse

Anna definitely has a favorite toy.  She absolutely loves her Minnie Mouse.  We give her all kinds of different stuffed animals, but this one definitely is her favorite (shown by the many hugs and kisses Anna gives Minnie).  I don't know it it's the very chewable nose, or just the size, or the color, or what, but she LOVES it.  It stays in her carseat and she plays with Minnie the entire time we're in the car.  That is, until she throws her into the back seat...  or chucks her out the door when we open it...  She just loves her!  Enjoy the photo and video of Anna and her favorite toy!  Sorry about the shaky camera, she was being so cute Jer was laughing as he took the video :-)

3 years!

Yesterday was our anniversary!  It's been 3 wonderful years since we were married, we've had a busy and crazy and super full three years.  Here's a short breakdown of our lives since being married:

May 08: We both graduate from college!

July 08: Get married, go on a honeymoon!

Jan 09: Begin house hunting!

Mar 09: Go to Italy!  We went with a group of 14 from the Newman Center after Jeremy received an award and free airfares.  We were gone for 10 days and I was going to put a "read about it here" link but apparently I never actually wrote about it on the blog... I said I was going to but apparently didn't...  Maybe I'll write a belated Italy post sometime.  It was wonderful and we'd go back again in a heartbeat!

March 09:  Buy a house!  The week we got back from Italy, we closed on a house, painted everything, bought furniture, and moved in!  We love our home!

Jun 09: Go to California to celebrate the wedding of two of our very very best friends!  They are now expecting their baby boy, Matthias in just a few weeks after almost 2 years of TTC!

Aug 09: Ask my dr. about why we haven't gotten pregnant after a year of trying.

Sep 09:  Lots of bloodwork, lots of whacky hormones, an MRI, an HSG and a series of other "tests."

Oct 09:  Sent to a "specialist" before we did our research unfortunately... Found out I had PCOS although very mild, and Jer has VERY low sperm count (like almost not at all...)  Were told that we'd never have children so we should just be happy with the two of us. (yes, kind of a heartless thing to say to a couple hearing that news...) 

Nov 09:  Decide to pursue adoption.

Dec 09: Meet with caseworker from Catholic Charities

Dec 09: I quit my job at the daycare and began substitute teaching in the Catholic schools in town.

Mar 10: Begin homestudy

May 10: Complete homestudy

May 10: Go to Florida to visit some very good friends (who are also expecting their first baby boy, baby J in October after TTC for a while!)  Oh yeah, and get the worst sunburn EVER!!!  We definitely had a lot of fun in Florida!

Sept 10: Our licensing is finished, so we're officially in circulation waiting for a Birth mom to pick our profile!

Nov 10: Our first adoption match!  Birthmom wants to meet in a week, just after thanksgiving, she's due Jan 4..

Nov 10: Meet birthmom, hear her story, feeling good about the situation, we began preparing for the arrival of baby boy!

Dec 10:  Learn that birthmom's due date was off by 6 weeks (I guess due to lack of prenatal care).  Meet with her once more.

Jan 11:  Wait super impatiently for the birth of baby boy.

Feb 11:  Scheduled c-section, baby boy is born Feb. 7.  We were at the hospital the whole first day, got to hold him, spent some time with birthmom but were beginning to feel that things weren't going well.

The next day, after talking with the birthmom (and her expressing a desire for us to come see her), we get a call from our caseworker that says she changed her mind and decided to parent.  She'd be taking him home the next day.

We spend a lot of time crying and praying, we decide to go back into circulation right away.

I also started watching a little boy who was born in Nov. after thinking I"d be staying home with my own baby boy at this point. 

Mar 11: Still grieving and trying to move on from our adoption fallthrough, but hoping for a short wait.

10 days into March, we got THE phone call!  You can read about it here and here and here.  We bring home our sweet baby girl and begin life as a family of three.



And our lives have changed every day since.  We've spent the last 4 1/2 months completly in love with this baby girl and enjoying every moment of it.  Our marriage has strengthened and we fall in love with each other all over again each and every day.  We are so happy with the way God has changed our lives and our hearts through IF and adoption! 

I love my hubby so much, he is so wonderful and I am so blessed to have the sweetest, most wonderful guy to wake up next to each and every day and to share each experience and each day with.  I can't say thank you enough to him and everything he does for our family!

Question/Answers for those Discerning Adoption

These questions were posted by Grace in My Heart, another Catholic/IF/Adoption blogger.  Here are my answers:


1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?

Adoption had always been something we had talked about.  However, after learning that our chances of conceiving were slim to none, we knew exactly what God was calling us to do.  We began the process right away as we had no reason to wait and were already anxious to become parents.

2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?

I don't feel like we "failed".  We feel like God called us to adoption and he made it pretty clear :-).  God's plan never includes failing, it is always perfection.  That's my advice, prayer, and an understanding that God's plan is ALWAYS perfection.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?

We have always been 100% on the same page.  Sorry, not much advice here!
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?

There aren't very many agencies in our area (that we know of anyway) and we are very familiar with Catholic Charities as we know people who have used them and we know people who work for them.  Because of financial/time reasons, we knew Domestic Infant was the way to go for us.  We also discussed openness at length and realized that there's nothing holding us back from being as open as possible.  We have no reservations when it comes to various situations/races etc...  That may change in the future as we adopt again, only because of the way things may affect our current child.  As far as communication with birth parents, we were willing to be open to what the birthparents wanted.  However, at this point, we crave interaction with Anna's birthmom.  We WANT to meet her and talk to her and get to know her.  However, she's not ready for that and the ball's in her court.  I think it would  be wonderful to have all of the "answers" for Anna as she grows up from her birthmom, but I may not get that and I've had to accept that.  I never realized how much I'd WANT contact with a birthfamily. 

5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?

I don't know, any suggestions anyone?  We still don't have this figured out... except that when we get our Adoption tax credit money back next year, we intend on setting it all aside for Adoption #2!

6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth? If you've never been pregnant, do you feel like you missed out on this experience?

I absolutely 100% feel like a mother.  There's not a part of me that doesn't.  In fact, I often feel guilty for forgetting that her birthmom actually carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her.  I feel like I've always been her mother and she is 100% our daughter. 

I don't miss out on being pregnant.  I guess I have so many friends who are/have been pregnant, most of the people I hang around with in fact, that I guess I kind of "experience" it through them.  I also hear from them once in a while that they're slightly jealous of my 4 hour "pregnancy" when we found out about Anna.  No stress, no worry, no sickness or labor or dr. appts or anything!  But honestly, pregnancy is never something I pictured or desired for myself.  Children yes, pregnancy, no.  I guess I attribute it to God preparing my heart long ago for our journey to children.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?

Novena to St. Anne :-).  St. Anne said some serious prayers for us as we started a novena to her shortly after our adoption fall through (with the biggest intention being a quick wait time) and the day it ended, our sweet Anna was born and 10 days later we found out about her and picked her up!  And that's one of the reasons her name is Anna, it's after St. Anne.

 Adoption: Choosing it, Living it, Loving it by Dr. Ray Guarendi.  We were given this as a gift when we first started the adoption process and it was very informative and I've referred to it may times since.

Seek out others who have been there or are in the same place you are.  I didn't and I wish I would have at the time.  I felt alone in my infertility.  We had plenty of people who offered support, but aside from one person, I didn't really have anyone in my current situation who understood the emotions and what I was going through.  Find other blogs and other people who struggle with the same things, it makes you feel more "normal" and it's much easier to work through the emotions.

8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?

Being a mother!  And sharing our story and giving hope to people in similar situations.  And specifically being Anna's mom, I can't imagine a better child and I'm so glad God created her to be a part of our earthly family.

The Giving Tree

If  you've never read the children's book, "The Giving Tree" then you should.  It's a really sweet story about a boy and a tree.  They become good friends until the boy grows up and he begins to use the tree for its many purposes.  The tree willingly gives of itself without complaint.  Finally, in the end, the boy who has grown into an old man realizes all that the tree gave to him and gives back to the tree in the way that he can, by giving his time, just sitting in the tree's presence. 

So I've always loved this book, I've always loved the unconditional love that the tree showed.  Apparently even as a child I understood how it related to God, our heavenly father and his unconditional love for us. 

Anna and I have been going to daily Mass a few days a week since we don't have the girls to watch anymore.  My 6th-7th-8th grade Math and Religion teacher attends daily Mass as well.  She just retired this past May.  She has been going through the many many things she collected as a teacher for LOTS of years (I don't even know how many, I know it was lots).  So today she came up to me before Mass and handed me an envelop.  She said she ran across a reflection I wrote and she had kept it as an example that she used in future years.  She always enjoyed pulling it out and reading it.  She said she'd like me to have it back now and that I'd enjoy reading what my junior high self wrote about "The Giving Tree."  It was obviously for religion class, but I have no idea what the assignment was (I could venture a guess, but I don't know for sure). 

I've often seen people write reflections or letters to their younger self, giving them advice and sharing the wisdom they now have as an adult.  Well, I guess this is what my young self wrote unknowingly to my older self and it's pretty insightful if I do say so myself:

          In"The Giving Tree" the tree practiced many virtues.  One of them was love.  The tree loved the boy, even when he left her alone for a long time she never stopped loving him.  Every time the boy came back to the tree, the tree talked to the boy and offered to let the boy play on her branches.  She was willing to endure some pain to let the boy be happy, even though the boy may not have shown her much love. 
         Happiness is another virtue that the tree showed to the boy.  By showing love to the boy, the tree became happy; this is also true in our own lives.  If you give of yourself to make someone else feel loved, you will in return find happiness because happiness is contagious.  Every time the tree gave away part of herself, she was happy because the boy found happiness in her gifts.  If you make others happy, you will feel good about yourself and you will be happy.
         God is a lot like the tree in the story.  Whenever he gives to us, or shows us love, he is happy.  God loves us even when we don't give him love in return, just like the tree loved the boy even though the boy no longer wanted to play on the tree's branches or play hide-n-go seek.  Every time we need something, or ask for something, God answers our prayers.  When the boy came to the tree and asked if she could give him a home or a boat, the tree gave him the supplies that he needed to fulfill his needs.  God gives us the wisdom and the courage that we need to satisfy our needs; without his wisdom or courage we wouldn't be able to provide for ourselves.
         If we need a place to go to be peaceful and to have time to think, God is always there offering us his peace.  All we have to do is have faith that he will be there.  When we need someone to talk to because of a problem, God is there with open ears comforting us and guiding us through our troubles.  The tree in the story offered the boy a place to sit and rest and be peaceful.  The tree never deserted the boy, and God will never desert us.  He will always love us and pray for us even when we turn away from him. 

~Karen

CC in the Future?

In light of the recent Civil Union Act and the implications it has on Catholic Charities, I have certainly been thinking a lot about our family's future.  As of right now, our case worker assures us that none of this will affect us in Domestic Infant Adoption.  These adoptions are funded solely through our payments, none of the money comes from the state.  Therefore, they do not have to abide by state regulations as far as who can be licensed or not.

However, we've always talked about doing Foster to Adopt in the future (hopefully after a few infant adoptions).  Through this program we would hope to adopt children who are hard to find homes for.  Namely a minority sibling group.  Groups of siblings, especially those of minority races are very hard to find homes for.  We have a loving home, one that already has a minority race in it, and are opent to just about anything.  Ideally we would do all of this through Catholic Charities.  We know, because they're regulated by the bishops and sisters in our diocese and throughout the country, that the values they stand for are the same values we stand for.  They follow the teachings and guidelines of the Catholic Church and ultimately the Truth that Christ taught. 

For this reason, it concerns us that they may be forced to close their doors.  Catholic Charities will not be able to continue if they are forced to accept civil unions or even cohabitating adults.  They have to abide by their principles and they have to follow Christ's teachings.  They also have to do what's best for the children, which is to only allow married couples or single men or women to foster or adopt through their program.  We then face the dilema, do we go with another agency or group, knowing that they support and go along with the civil union act?  And possibly support/go along with agencies that promote and provide abortions?  Do we compromise in order to expand our family and help children in need?  Is this the same as using many of the reproductive technologies that go against our Catholic faith and morals?  I don't know the answer to these questions necessarily and since this is all hypothetical and depends on how the current law suit plays out, I hope to not have to answer those questions.  However, it's something we have to think about. 

Hopefully nothing will come of all of this and CC will be able to continue to do what they do and the 2,000 children currently being serviced in the surrounding diocese's will be able to remain where they are.  While thinking about this yesterday and doing a little research, I ran across this article.  It was very well written by a man who is Catholic but also gay.  He describes his challenges and really puts it into perspective.  If only we could all embrace our faith and challenges this way.  "Catholic, Gay, and Doing Fine"

4th of July in pictures!



Visiting Nana and Papa's house for a cookout.  Anna loves the dogs!  Jude, however, is quite scared of Anna!




Jessie likes her, sometimes a little too much!



We went to Anna's Great-Grandpa's house to see him and swim in his pool.  We have quite the little fishy on our hands!  She sat in her baby pool and watched daddy, uncle Joey and Papa play for a while.

She thinks she's so big.  She could "touch" on the steps!



Hanging out in her froggy raft.  She was lounging and squealing!



Playing with daddy in the pool.

Wiped out from all that swimming, taking a nap with Nana.

Ready for fireworks!

Being cute

LOVING the fireworks.  She took a short nap before they started and as soon as they began, she was enthralled.  In fact, she was too distracted to drink her bottle, something that's never happened before!  She was definitely not scared of them and loved the pretty lights!