My shy girl

People keep asking us if Anna doesn't feel well.  Mostly because when we talk to unfamiliar (to her) people, she buries her face in her daddy's shoulder and refuses to look at them.  They say she looks grumpy or unfriendly.

She is incredibly leary around new faces.  Especially men.  She LOVES her daddy and she LOVES her grandpa (she used to be scared of him) and papa.  However, beyond that, she's pretty much scared of them.  Her uncles terrify her even!  She doesn't get to see them all that often and despite them being super non-threatening, she is unsure.

And so she buries her face.  And often cries or whines.  She won't look at people or smile at people anymore when we're out and about.  Unless there are other kids around and then I think she just doesn't even see the adults in the room.  She becomes a performer, dancing, laughing, chasing other kids. 

Once she's familiar with people and situations, she's all about the attention.  She wants everyone to watch her and she puts on a show.  She'll be her usual crazy, active self that we're used to seeing at home.  She's loud and funny and incredibly cute. 

We were at story hour the other night and when we walked in, they were playing music.  She instantly joined the other toddlers on the carpet and danced her little heart out.  She was totally putting on a show.  And then it was time to sit in a circle and all of the sudden her smile faded and she shielded her face.  The thought of all those adults sitting in a circle looking at her was too much.  Until it was time for the kids to get up and play again.  And then she was her usual self. 

While we've always had her around lots of people and we encourage her to be polite, when she doesn't immediately look at you or smile at you, it doesn't mean she's unfriendly.  It means she's scared of a new place and new people.  She takes time to warm up.  And really, she always has.

Anna had a rough start to life, going from her birthmom's belly to a nursery with rotating nurses, to a newborn home with new faces, to another newborn home with new faces, to our home with new faces.   And from that time, she's gone everywhere with us.  But mostly she's stayed in our arms.  We were very careful to limit the time she got passed around, we wore her a lot to keep her close and so that she felt secure. We wanted her to feel secure and safe and to know that we'd always be there to protect her.  And while now that means she needs to be in our arms until she feels safe, I don't see that as a bad thing.  She's cautious.  And once she feels safe, she's friendly and fun and completely happy.

It gives me a new perspective on shy children.  They're not unfriendly.  They may just take their time getting warmed up.  Don't tell me my child looks sick or unhappy, please.  We're sure some of it stems from her being bounced around at birth.  She's formed solid attachments to her parents and brother and frankly, she's going to cling to us when she's unsure.  I see that as a very positive thing.

Anthony, in contrast, seems to be a total people person.  Part of it, I'm sure, is their differing personalities.  Part of it could be that we were there from day one.  He never had to be unsure of who to trust.  We took care of him night and day immediately after he was born.  He never had to form new attachments to new parental figures.  He's extremely comfortable being held by whomever, whenever.  He'll talk to anyone, smile at everyone and try his hardest to get attention.  He's not shy, at least not right now. 

Haircut and Anna-isms

I gave Anthony a haircut today.  The first time, we had the professionals do it.  This time, I decided I could tackle it.  It was looking pretty crazy and paying to have it cut was just not worth it.  Especially since he has beautiful curls that hide any kind of unevenness.  I can't even tell if it's even or uneven because when I go to pull his hair straight up, the ends curl no matter what!

So here is Anthony Crazy Hair before: (truth be told, I forgot a before picture... so here's one from last week that kinda capture the craziness...)

And here is Anthony Adorable Hair after:

 

 

 

 

 

And because I want to be able to remember the cute things she says 10 years from now when she's even more sassy, here are some typical Anna phrases or distorted words. Notice, most of them are food... she's in an eating phase and I can't seem to get her full...

 

 

Yogurt = doburt, doburt

Toast = Tooooooowwwwww

Mommy = Ommy (this one's my favorite, it's absolutely adorable)

Pizza = pita, pita

I have an idea = Dea

Mary = Marmy (another favorite, she loves to point to our Mary statue and kiss it)

Ice = Iyyyyyse

Two M&Ms please = Two and a me

Anthony = Abi or brudder

Any two syllable word that she doesn't want to say = hum hu

Ravioli = oli

Taco = Gaco

Plane = payne (we live right behind the runways of an airport, we see lots of planes!)

Cecelia = CheeChee or SheShe

Uh Oh = Duh Doh (her most used one for sure, why she adds letters, we're not sure...)

 

Those are just a few off the top of my head.  She's talking so much, it's hard to catch it all!



 



Friday Quick Takes (35)

--- 1 ---

We made another visit to the pumpkin farm this week.  Actually, we went twice that day, once with friends and once with daddy :-).  It was so nice out, we just couldn't stay away!

--- 2 ---

Here's a Halloween sneak peak.  We went to my mom's work's Fall Festival (she works at the daycare that I used to work at).  We dressed the kids up in their costumes and snagged this picture before we left.  They're the cutest Minne and Mickey I've ever seen!

 

--- 3 ---

We started raking this week.  We had a few really nice days, so I got out there with the kids and raked away.  In reality, I was trying to find something to do during naptime, which is what started the raking.  My tailbone is still pretty painful, but not when I'm standing.  I just can't sit or lay down comfortably.  So I've been staying busy.  I figured after 8 days, it would be fine.  It's better, but not fine yet...

 

Two days later, our yard doesn't look like a rake has touched it in years... 

Anna "helped" by picking up 4 leaves at a time and throwing them into the wheelbarrow for us.  It was adorable and she had a blast.

Pile one of like 8

Anthony watched from the comfort of his stroller :-)

 

--- 4 ---

This look seriously cracks me up.  What a happy boy!

 

--- 5 ---

Anna is definitey fully potty trained.  On Tuesday through Sunday, that is.  Mondays are our downfall.  She's mad that after 2 days with daddy, he actually has to go back to work.  So she takes it out on me by peeing her pants mutiple times in a day.  And then she doesn't have another accident until the next Monday.  We can go anywhere, have her in the car for any length of time, etc... and she knows how to hold it and doesn't have any accidents.  But hanging out at home on Monday without dad is just too much for her I guess!  At least I know it's coming.

 

--- 6 ---

We had family pictures taken last weekend with my family!  It's amazing how we've grown in a year!  Here are a few of them.

Grandparents and their grandbabies!

The whole family!

Cousins

--- 7 ---

In addition to family pictures, we had all kinds of fun last weekend.

 

My niece was baptized and we celebrated that.

 

Then we had a family bonfire at a local state park.

 

Then we celebrated Anthony's Adoption Day and my sister and brother-in-law's first Anniversary. 

 

It was a very fun family weekend with my family!

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Happy Adoption Day!

Our Anthony is officially our Anthony forever! 

I'm sure I wrote a similar post with Anna, but well, I'll write it again :-).

This day means a lot to us.  And at the same time, it means nothing.  Anthony's always been our son.  And he'll always be our son.  However, today, it's legal. 

Today we have no worries that something will go wrong.  We no longer have to ask permission to leave the state.  Or have papers signed if he needs medical treatment.  Or have anyone tell us what vaccinations he does or doesn't need to have.  Today they declared that "Anthony Xavier is now your son just as if he had been naturally born to you".  And hearing those words makes me cry.

My children are no different than biological children.  They are my children.  They are, forever, and for always my babies.  And while no court can tell my heart that this is true or untrue, it feels great to have it legal.

What a beautiful day to celebrate.  I am so blessed to have my son and my daughter in my life.  I don't want life to be any other way.  And on such a wonderful day, the second ever feast day of Blessed Pope John Paul II.  And on the day of my sister and brother-in-law's first Anniversary.  And a day after their cousin's Baptism.

Our family truly has reason to celebrate.  And celebrate we did.  I"ll post on our festive weekend later, but for now, here's the picture that means the world to me today :-)  And below it, I've put Anna's Adoption picture.  It cracks me up that it's only been 13 months, it was the same judge, and the pictures are remarkably similar, except, of course, for the addition of "brudder"!

Anthony's Adoption Finalization - October 22, 2012

Anna's Adoption Finalization - September 19, 2011

Anthony's Adoption Day Cake! 

Friday Quick Takes (34)

 

--- 1 ---

This week has been a challenge.  It started with 6 days of hives.  I itched head to toe constantly for almost a week.  I took lots of Benadryl.  However, it knocks me out.  I literally cannot keep my eyes open.  I'm pretty sure a spider bite was the culprit (the bite still itches).  I finally stopped itching on Tuesday night and finally could go about my normal day by Wednesday.

 

--- 2 ---

Then yesterday I fell down the stairs with Anna in my arms.  I slipped and hit my tailbone as I went down six stairs.  Anna was completely fine, I instinctually shielded her.  However, it knocked the wind out of me and my tailbone is a mess.  I don't know if I cracked it or just bruised it, but I can hardly move.  I can stand and I can lay down, but sitting or getting up or picking up my kids is just too painful.  So my parents came to help me last night and my sister and niece came over to help me this morning and I'm hoping by tomorrow that I can at least function again.  I'm ready to feel like myself!

 

--- 3 ---

Okay, enough negativity.  Now on to my cute kids :-)

 

 

Anna loves her stuffed animals and baby dolls.  She's always taking care of them and playing with them.  She's such a little Mama to her babies :-).

 

 

--- 4 ---

Here's my little chill baby.  He could roll around all day long.  He loves the hard floor and we get such a kick out of him!

 

--- 5 ---

HEre's a picture of my new carrier that I won!  I love it and I had so much fun going to lunch with Caren, the creator of Olives and Applesauce and having a photoshoot with Sara.  I LOVE my new carrier and use it all the time!

 

--- 6 ---

 

 

We had fun taking the kids to the park one evening.  And we got such cute pictures of them doing their favorite things! 

 

 

--- 7 ---

This weekend we have family pictures with my family, my niece's Baptism, my little sister's in town, my grandma will be in town, we're having a family bonfire, and then it culminates with Anthony's Adoption Finalization on Monday (on my sister and brother-in-law's Anniversary!).   I'm looking forward to all the celebrations and festive fun with my family :-)

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

6 Months Old

Okay, so I'm a little late on this post, but at least I'm doing it, I missed his 5 month post altogether!

Anthony is such a happy little guy at 6 months old.  He's seriously like the happiest baby I've ever seen.  He hardly ever cries, usually only to let us know he's tired.  He's constantly smiling and laughing.  He absolutely loves people, men in particular.  He will smile at anyone and will let anyone hold him.  As long as he can spot me once in a while, he's good to go. 

He had his check-up last week and hit all the necessary developmental milestones.  He weighed in at 16 lbs which is 25th percentile.  His height was 27 in which was in the 50th percentile and his head was 50th percentil as well.  So he's skinny, but still a healthy size.  He's in 9 month clothing and probably will be for a while.  We just moved his diapers up to the middle setting on the rise.

Our Anthony is a GREAT eater.  He's taking 5 6oz bottles a day right now and he's eating fruit/oatmeal for breakfast and veggie/rice for dinner.  So far he LOVES sweet potatoes and pears.  We think he may be allergic to bananas, his eczema flared up in weird spots big time after he had bananas.  So we stopped them and it cleared up.  We'll try again in a month or so to see if he has a similar reaction.  In the meantime, we're staying away from apples as well as our doctor said many times banana/apple allergies go hand in hand. 

He's becoming quite mobile.  He's not crawling, but he rolls and scoots everywhere.  He twists his body and rolls to get where he wants to go.  He often gets stuck under furniture or wraps himself around things.  He never stays where you put him anymore!  When he's on his belly, he's starting to push himself up on his hands and trying to get those knees under himself.  I hope we have a few months before he starts crawling!  I'm not quite ready for that yet!

He's not sitting yet, but he can sit with very little support.  He'd rather be rolling around, so a lot of it is disinterest.  He's busy!

Anthony loves all things soft.  He's not one for playing with links or rattles.  But give him a blanket or a stuffed animal and he goes to town.  He has daily wrestling matches with all kinds of things :-).

No teeth yet, and I hope it stays that way for a while!

Sleep wise, he's all over the place.  He generally takes a nap from 9-10 and from 12-3.  He goes to bed around 7:30 and many nights will sleep until 6:30.  Randomly (and for the last three nights for some reason) he'll wake up sometime between 2 and 4 and want to eat.  We usually just feed him because he goes right back to sleep then.  Luckily it doesn't mess with his daytime schedule, he still doesn't ask for his next bottle until 9am.  So know he can sleep through the night and he does pretty reguarly.  I think it coincides with growth spurts, he just can't quite go 11 hours without eating when he's growing!  But I guess 9-10 isn't so bad :-).

Anthony, you are such a sweet boy and we're so happy you're our son.  We can't wait for your Adoption Finalization on Monday!  We are so blessed to have you in our family!

Friday Quick Takes (33)

 

--- 1 ---

Anthony has found a comfort item that he loves.  This elephant blankie is his favorite thing.  And we now have 2.  We have a green frog just like it, but he doesn't like the frog (how he can tell in the pitch black of his room at night, I haven't figured out).  It's adorable to see him snuggling it.  Anthony and the elephant have daily wrestling matches.

 

Anna's very in to wrapping dolls, stuffed animals, her brother, or even herself in blankets lately.  She's constantly wrapping her Mickey Mouse up and laying him gently on a shelf (apparently that's where he sleeps).  Today I found her once again wrapping herself up.

--- 2 ---

 

 

Anna is all of the sudden obsessed with ice.  She asks for it all the time and eats many cubes a day.  I have to say, it's not a bad snack, but when she wants to eat ice instead of dinner, I have a little problem with that.  We've had many an ice meltdown this week.  And she knows where it's kept, so she constantly stands at the fridge and says "IYYYSSSSS" 

 

--- 3 ---

Cousins!  I just can't believe how cute the 3 of them are!  Anna and Anthony love having their cousin over to play on Tuesdays!

 

--- 4 ---

I don't generally talk politics at all, I'll talk morals, but not politics.  However, I am completely disgusted by last night's VP debates and I only watched 5 minutes.  I watched the 5 minutes where Biden calls himself a Catholic and proceeds to say that his religion is only for his private life, not his public life.  He thinks its perfectly acceptable to support abortion when he's at work, but he thinks life begins at conception in his personal life.  Um, really?  I couldn't watch any more after that.  I'm not going to lie, another 4 years of Obama/Biden scares the daylights out of me. 

 

--- 5 ---

I've been trying to be really intentional about meal planning and actually making what I plan this week.  We did really well before Anna and when Anna was little, but it's been hard with two kids.  However, we've had very tasty meals this week and I've enjoyed cooking every night again. 

 

--- 6 ---

So we've been finding a lot of these little black bugs around our house.  And by a lot, I just mean like 2-3 a day.  They're mainly in the bathrooms or kitchen.  So one evening I decided to try and figure out what they were.  Well, googling "little black bugs" didn't do a whole lot for me and I gave up. 

 

Apparently my husband couldn't let it go.  These bugs frustrate him to no end, he jokes that they're out to attack him as he's always the first in the bathroom in the morning and he claims they're always in their trying to get him.  And they're extremely crunchy and hard to squish.  One morning I found this picture along with others on my camera.  That afternoon he emailed me saying he figured out what they were. 

 

Crisis averted.  They're completely harmless and are seeking shelter because of the extreme heat we had this summer.  They're strawberry weevils, I think he said.  They'll go away soon and they like dark, moist areas (hence finding them in the morning, in the bathroom).  Hubby has calmed down now that he's found answers to his bug crisis.  He makes me laugh.

 

 

--- 7 ---

This pretty much sums it up, it's been one of those lazy weeks :-)

I realized when trying to come up with 7 quick takes how incredibly boring our home was this week.  We spent a lot of time cleaning, playing and sitting outside.  And it was incredibly relaxing and fun :-).

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

So sad

The little baby that I asked for prayers for, the one that's been in the hospital for 2 months with no known cause?  He died last night.  They were able to get his adoption finalization expedited and they finalized on Tuesday.  My heart breaks for his parents who only got to know their son for four short months.  I can't imagine what they're going through right now.  Please lift K, M and baby E up in your prayers. 

Speaking of Lists...

I have a little prayer list of some urgent prayers.  If you get a chance, could you pray for these people?

1) A lady who told my mom that she was going to get an abortion.  My mom hopes she talked her out of it and that God was using her in that moment (and in the months to come) to help this lady through a really hard time in her life.  Please pray that she has a change of heart and that instead, she can give this baby a loving family through adoption.

2) Friends who adopted a baby boy who is now four months old and has been in the hospital for almost 2 months.  They don't know what is wrong still, and he cannot breathe without the ventilator.  Please pray for healing and strength.

3) Another friend who brought home a baby boy a year ago and are still dealing with an ongoing birthfather issue.  Neither birthparent has terminated their rights (birthmom won't until birthfather does to protect the baby).  They are incurring incredible lawyer expenses and are fighting hard for their son.

Lists

I've always been a list maker.  I like "to-do" lists.  I like to check things off.  More importantly, I love throwing the list away.

This was a great thing when I was in college.  I was known for getting things done way ahead of time and never having anything pressing on my list.

It was great when we were first married.  My house was always in perfect condition, there was no dust to be found, meals were cooked, groceries were stocked, the fridge was neat and tidy, etc...

And then we became parents.

Now I often feel like the lists are taking me over.

My house is a mess.  There are toys everywhere.  There are clean dishes in the dishwasher, dirty ones on the counter.  Last month's spaghetti is still hermetically sealed to the underside of Anna's booster seat.  My laundry has been sitting in the dryer for hours.  My kids are asleep, and all I want to do is sit and read a book.

So today I sat and read a book.  Because I know my limitations.  One of them is patience.  I learned that the hard way yesterday when I overzealously began to tackle chores when the kids went to bed.  And Anthony took a whopping 40 minute nap.  And Anna followed by waking up shortly after.  My patience was gone.  For the rest of the day, I had a hard time keeping my tone of voice calm and my words loving.  I failed big time. 

By the end of the day, everyone was grumpy and I couldn't wait for bedtime.  I missed out on an entire evening of fun with my children because I didn't take time to recharge my patience.  I have constantly prayed for God to grant me patience.  And in turn, he's given me increasing opportunities to exercise patience.  And in many ways, I have grown tremendously in the realm of patience.

However, when I let my lists get the better of me, I allow frustration to overwhelm me.  I allow the dust bunnies to take over my parenting.

So I decided today that instead of making "to-do" lists for naptime, I will make "to-done" lists for naptime.  Today I listed all the things that I had accomplished today.  And amazingly, the list was long.  More amazingly, was my attitude.  I don't feel like a failure today.  In fact, I realized that playing on the floor with my toddler and making silly faces at my baby makes a better check-mark on my list than sweeping the floor.  Anna was in a great mood, constantly shouting "Ommy, Ommy" and giving me endless hugs and kisses while showing me her super cool pumpkin.  Anthony rolled around on the floor for an hour, giggling and shaking some links.  I got to spend quality time with my kids (and niece) without worrying about my list.  Because I just didn't make one.

I took the first hour of naptime for myself (which is my goal in general, but I'm bad about actually doing it).  After an hour, I will have time to get done some chores that need done (like those sheets that need put on our bed).  If naptime doesn't last more than an hour, then at least my kids will wake up to a patient, relaxed Mama who is excited to spend her afternoon and evening with them.  The chores will wait.  My kids will not. 

I'm sure I will still write lists, some things need to be written down or they'll be forgotten.  But I'm going to make sure my list includes only things that are attainable.

Hair

I've always loved doing hair.  And I've always loved having my hair done.  My sisters and I used to beg my mom to french braid our hair, in fact, if I had time to sit for that long, I'd have her do it now (I know my sisters still do :-)). 

Growing up with girls, I guess it's something that was just a part of our lives.  We were constantly disgusted by the hair in the drains, constantly trying to find the perfect brush and always looking for those hairties that disappeared so quickly.  So it's no secret that I've always wanted a little girl for many reasons, but one of those being the hair.  I couldn't wait to have a little girl's hair to braid and brush and to make bows for. 

When we brought home a baby girl last March, I was completely overjoyed.  And a little scared at the same time.  I knew how to care for and style white hair and I had a little experience doing black hair with the two girls I nannied for, but not a whole lot.  Sure, I could make their hair look cute, but to care for it on a daily basis?  I was a little out of my element.

For the first 10-12 months, I didn't really do anything special.  I didn't wash it very often, I knew that would dry it out.  I put oil in it each day, as a friend had recommended.  And I dressed it up with countless bows and headbands.  She hasn't gone a day without some kind of bow or headband in her hair.

Day 1, already has a bow in her hair.

6 months old

8 months old

12 Months old

As she neared her 1st birthday, I realized the time was here, I was going to have to learn how to really care for her hair.  So I immersed myself in blogs and FB groups.  The most helpful being Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care, a blog created by a fellow transracial adoptive mom.  I learned about a lot of great products and routines for caring for Anna's hair.  I learned what hair type she was so that I could find the best products to use and to avoid for her hair type.

I didn't start really styling her hair until about 2 months ago, but I had been trying out different products to see what worked/didn't work to keep her hair moisturized and frizz-free. 

My firest real style.  These were chunky two stranded rope twists.  They lasted for about 4 days

 At first, her hairstyles would last for about 4 days and then they'd start to look frizzy again.  I'd take them out and let her wear her hair free for a few days.

Then I'd do another style.

Box braids with barrettes.

 Most of her styles now, last about a week.  Some could last longer if I had the time and patience to redo any twists or braids that needed it, but generally I just take them out after about a week.  As she gets older, they'll be able to stay in longer.  Right now, she still does a lot of rolling around on the floor and picking up grass and leaves from outside with her hair.

Two stranded rope twists with barrettes.

Two stranded rope twists just on the front of her head, fro in the back

Box braids.

Flat rope twists.

About a month ago, I did the front in flat rope twists and the back in two stranded rope twists with hair snaps on the ends.

Same style, different week and cornrows in front instead of twists. 

Can you tell I like this style?  It's easy to maintain, holds up well to toddlerness, looks super girly and cute, and it makes it easy for me to redo one or two of the twists if they start to look bad.

 

My most recent style, corn rows with pig tails in the back and a side bang corn row in the front to make it girlier. I added bows on the pigtails in back. My corn rows turned out very well and so far this style seems to hold up extremely well to Anna's craziness.

After I take a style out, we wash her hair.  We only use shampoo about once or twice a month, unless she's rubbed spaghetti sauce or something really messy in it.  We use mostly the Kinky Curly brand products because they seem to work really well on Anna's hair.  We also co-wash about every week, again, unless it's needed more often for whatever reason.  We love their leave-in conditioner as Anna hates to have her hair run under the faucet.  We just wet her hair, put it in and let it sit. 

After it's sat for 10 minutes, we detangle her hair.  I usually run my fingers through it to make sure there are no major tangles.  Then I use a wide-toothed comb and do it section by section.  She's not really a fan of having me comb her hair because has to keep her head still.  She learned quickly that when she jerks her head away from me, it hurts!  Once we've detangled, we usually just put her sleep cap on and let her sleep on it.  Sometimes we'll let her go with the fro for a day or two, depending on schedules. 

Then when it's time to sit and do her hair, I put her in the high chair with a snack and turn on her favorite show (Mickey Mouse).  I can usually get her hair done in 2 episodes.  If it takes longer than that, I'll give her a break and come back to it later.  Usually she's begging for me to put on more MMC :-). 

I wet her hair with a spray bottle and then put a moisturizer in it.  I use a spray bottle with a mixture of water, coconut oil, and Curls Lavish Curls Moisturizer.  The coconut oil helps it become slipperier so that I can manipulate it and the moisturizer keeps her hair moisturized (duh).  So I work that through her whole head.

Then I part it accordingly.  (First I look at Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care for style ideas to figure out what I want to do).  I need to get some hair clips to clip the parts out of the way, but for now, I use barrettes which work just fine.  I then go section by section.  I put Kinky Curly Curling Custard on each section (it's a styling gel that will help hold her hair in place and seal in the moisture).  And then I style, whether it's twists or braids.  I found CHVC's tips and tricks and videos to be extremely helpful for various styles.  I finish the ends off with barrettes or my recent favorite item, hair snaps.  I'm hoping to get some beads (a co-worker of my mom is going to get some for me next time she goes to Chicago) but we just don't have anywhere here to get them.  And I hate ordering $2 beads online and paying $5 shipping, seems ridiculus!  So for now, I'm enjoying my snaps.   Anna loves them too, she'll shake her head around to hear them clink together.

Some styles I've liked better than others.  Some last longer than others.  Some I just don't like so I take them out after a few days.  The styles help maintain moisture in her hair, keep it healthy, and promote growth.  I've noticed a huge difference in her hair growth since I've been styling it!

So that my friends is my all about a white mom doing her black daughter's hair post.  Sorry it's so long, but someday I'll be able to look back and see how far I've come!  I hope this helps anyone else who is fortunate enough to adopt transracially!