Bonding

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Jeremy and I have changed in the last 6 years since we've been married, dealt with infertility, and become parents to one, two and then four children.

It seems like we were married just yesterday.  And it seems like we have been married forever.  It seems like we brought Anna home yesterday.  And it seems like Agnes and Mya have been a part of our family forever.

But they haven't.  And that's where I find it hard sometimes.  When Anna showed up on our doorstep, it was instant infatuation.  We had nothing to do but dote on her every hour of every day (and night).  After years of praying for a child, here she was.  And she was perfect in every way.  And we wanted more of that.

When Anthony was born, it was different.  We were already parents, we had a (barely) toddler to look after, we had challenges with Anthony's birthmom and he was a more challenging newborn.  There were nights when I rocked him and just had to remind myself that he was ours.  That I loved him.  But it took time to bond with my son.  His constant crying, spitting up, not sleeping was a challenge.  We were sleep deprived and yet we loved being the parents of two.  After a few months of adjustment (and some Zantac for Anthony), we fell into a good routine and bonded well as a family of four.  Now Anthony's the child whose sight I cannot leave.  He is all about mom ALL. THE. TIME.  I had nothing to worry about.  I just had to make the choice to love him and nurture him each and every day.

 Adopting through foster care has really been a whole new challenge.  I knew it would take longer to bond with the girls than it did with my babies.  They came with baggage.  And even though they're still so young, they had been let down so many times, I knew I'd have to build up their trust.

And each day I have to make the choice to love and nurture them.  I figured it would be easy to bond with Mya, she was still a baby.  But she's been my challenge.  She's a handful and my parenting style and the one she was used to are vastly different.  And it's taken time.  But all of the sudden, when she gets hurt or scared, she's crying for "mommy".  Instead of "Agnes".  Bonding with her is a continued work in progress, but we're getting there.  And that's wonderful to see.

Agnes has a very "quick to attach" personality.  She latched on to us quickly, although we knew she didn't quite trust us. After almost 6 months, I think she's starting to trust us.  She's a good and helpful girl, full of energy and curiosity.  And she's eager to please and eager to learn.  She is also a button-pusher when she decides to be.

Today was one of those days.  She did everything in her power to test me.  I think she's seeing if she can trust me or not.  Despite the many time-outs and stern chats, I think we're slowly earning her trust.  She's never lived with someone for more than 6 months, so this month marks a milestone in her life.  I'm hoping that in the coming months, with a final adoption date on the horizon, that we see that trust in her.

After our struggles this morning, I found myself repeating to her that I love her and I want her to be happy, safe, holy and kind.  And I reminded her frequently that the rules we've set up are to keep her happy, safe, holy and kind.  Because we love her.  It's on these challenging days when I have to choose to love her.  Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice.  To want what's best for someone.  To desire their good.  I want my sweet Agnes to be happy, safe, holy and kind.

I'm grateful that we've walked this journey and no matter where God takes us and our family in the coming years, I'm grateful for the lessons my family has taught me.  It's hard.  Each and every day is a challenge at our house.  Four toddlers means constant chaos and that's something that takes a lot of patience (not my strong suit).  But we're figuring it all out.  Everyone's thriving and bonding and trusting.

A taste of spring

The temperature hit mid-high 60s here today.  It was just what we needed.  We spent 4 hour at parks today.  A few with friends and a few just as a family.  It was amazing to watch the kids climb and slide and swing to their hearts' content.

And it made me antsy to get some spring cleaning done around my home.  I made a list.  Now to find the time to execute.

In that list, I wrote "freshen up kitchen."  My whole house has been "designed" by me and I've found great enjoyment out of turning this house into our home.  I love decorating and each room feels like us.  Except my kitchen. 

The honey colored cabinets about drive me bonkers.  The countertops are in ugly shape.  And the lack of a backsplash makes clean-up hard.  So I may be tackling a kitchen facelift this spring.  It would involve repainting the cabinets (light gray probably).  I want to install a backsplash.  Glass tiles of some kind.  And get rid of our microwave (we never use it). And find some cheap solution to our countertop issues.  Hopefully we can find the budget for my makeover and I can find the time to do it.  We shall see!

For now, I'm going to scrub windows and floors and go through closets.  With 6 people living in our house, space is at a premium.  I'm ready to reclaim some of it!

Stop growing so fast!

They're growing up way too fast.

For the last few months, Anna's needed me to lay down with her and "snuggle" in order for her to fall asleep at naptime.  The last few days, she's told me "I don't want to snuggle, I do it myself".  And she has.  And I'm sad that she doesn't need me that way anymore.

Anthony's speaking in sentences. Although he definitely still needs mommy all day long :-).  Super Mama's Boy right there!

Mya's using sentences too and speaking clearly all of the sudden.  Mya will no longer go potty if it's our idea, she tells us when she has to go.

Agnes is becoming more and more independent each day and is catching on to our lessons on manners and the way we're supposed to ask for things/speak to people. 

They're all just becoming so independent and growing up so quickly!  Some days I wish it would all slow down.  And some days, I wish time would speed up a little bit.  Such is the life with children I guess!

In just three months, I'll have two 3 year olds and two 2 year olds.  And come August I'll have a 4 year old.  And two of my babies will be marching off to preschool together.  And just one year later, all 4 will embark on their school journeys.  They're only little for a short time.  I'm trying to soak up every minute of it!

Paperwork

We've adopted 4 times in the last 3 years.  And yet I'm still amazed at the sheer volume of paperwork that's required.

I've lost track of how many time I've written my name, address, SSN, job, birthday, etc... 

And it's all worth it. 

But seriously, do you really need my name and address on every sheet of paper?

I'm ready to have these adoptions finalized.  I'm ready to not have to call the case worker to find out when they need check-ups, dental, etc..  I don't like calling the case worker to have to figure out the exact spelling, punctuation and all, of my girls' birth name for the most current piece of paperwork that needs filled out.  We can't travel without approval and paperwork. 

Currently we're working with the girls' foster care worker, our licensing worker, our adoption worker, and our lawyer.  And they all need paperwork. 

It's daunting and like I said, worth it.  I'm grateful to have my 4 beautiful children and I cannot wait until August (hopefully) to get that paperwork that says they're mine. 

Quick Takes (62)

I can't technically link up since I'm private, no one would be able to click on it anyway.  But it's an easy format for updates, so here goes!  I'm going to update by person :-).  And it's a long one... just forewarning you.  But there are pictures!

--- 1 ---

AGNES

Right now, she's absolutely loving preschool.  Her teacher is amazing and Agnes is doing great in her class.  She's been complimented for her direction following multiple times lately!

She also love Ballet!  She's great at listening and following directions in structured settings like school and ballet.  It's wonderful to see her excelling there!  

We've been working majorly on manners with her lately.  Apparently no one's every taught her such things...  So using kind words, not starting every sentence with "I want...", saying "May I please..." and "yes Mommy" when asked to do something.  I'd say 90% of Agnes' challenges stem from her overactive mouth.  She does get sassy and talk back and we're really working on that.  I keep telling Jeremy, if the worst challenge we're having with her is talking all the time and manners, I think she's doing alright!  The child talks nonstop during all waking hours!  So volume control is another thing we're really working on right now!

Reading and snuggling.  They're best friends.

Dance class!

She got to bring home her class "Take Home Teddy".  She thought it would be funny to feed him teddy grahams.

Take home teddy playing basketball at the gym.

We went to Monkey Joes for Anna's birthday.  Agnes absolutely loves it.  She could spend all day climbing and sliding.  Check out that smile!

One of my favorite sister pictures.  I just love her smile!

 

--- 2 ---

ANNA

She had a big birthday last week!  Anna turned 3!  I can hardly believe she's 3 already.  I was just looking at pictures even from 6 months ago and she has grown up so much lately.  It was like turning 3 hit a switch and she went from being a toddler to a little girl.  We had fun celebrating her birthday and look forward to her (and Anthony's) party next week!

Anna also loves ballet class.  She has great beat and really moves well to the music.  It'll be interesting to see if she is into music later in life, she's really into it now!  She also really loves our preschool we do one day a week at home.  She love to learn and knows so much already!  She really can't wait to go to "Agnes' preschool" and every time we pick Agnes up, Anna has to go in the classroom for a little bit to "pretend" and then she gives Mrs. G a hug, just like the preschoolers.  

The challenges we've had with Anna lately aren't entirely new.  She's so dramatic about things.  We never know what will set her off, but she meltsdown with the best of them.  She throws some crazy tantrums and there's really no talking her down.  She's just got to work it out.  She also did her usual "pre-birthday sleep regression".  We were ready to ship her to her grandparents' for a week if she didn't stop that nonsense!  She was taking 2+ hours to go to bed every night and waking up 3-4 times a night.  It was exhausting but she's back to normal.  She always takes a while to fall asleep, but she's staying in her bed quietly now which is all we ask.  And she's not getting up except to go potty now.

My parents took her to get some 3 year old pictures taken.

She's so beautiful!

She's having a "Tiana" party, so my parents got her this beautiful Tiana dress.  She wears it all day everyday.  It's like pulling teeth to get it off of her!!

Anna and her Tiana cake!

The bike we got her for her birthday

Cheesing at Monkey Joes.  She picked going there for her birthday!  She had a blast!!!

Such a big girl.  Learning about the letter P. 

--- 3 ---

ANTHONY

Anthony turns 2 in a month.  I can hardly believe that either!  He's still a tiny little thing, but he's holding his own now!  He's still as social as ever and pretty much loves everyone!

 

Anthony is particularly fond of Agnes.  For whatever reason, when she's around, he follows her around and can't stop saying "I love you, Agnes".  She eats it up of course.  

 

He's still a great sleeper and a huge eater.  He's picky sometimes but he's sneaky and just throws it on the floor instead of making a stink about it like his sisters.  He's becoming ornery, though.  He's starting to hit once in a while and throw "tantrums" (nothing even close to what the girls throw, but still a tantrum for him).  Luckily he's still sweet through all of it.  He's so darn cute, it's hard to get frustrated with him!  One smile and you're toast!  He bats his huge eyelashes and could get away with anything!

 

He's talking up a storm and his favorite things to say right now are, "I love you... merry much!" and "Anthony Head!" and "Hi, how are you?" and "No" to any question, regardless of what his answer should be.

 

He's also obsessed with trains, cars, buses and any other vehicles.  He also LOVES books, he'll ask you to "read it" over and over and over again.  He's also totally a Mama's boy right now.  He doesn't handle it well if I leave his sight.  When I drop him off at the gym nursery (only 1-2 times a week), he cries for me most of the time.  It's hard, but he's almost 2 and I know he'll be okay, especially with his sisters there.  One of the ladies has a knack for calming him down and he really likes her, so that makes me feel better. 

 

Playing in the never ending snow

At the discovery museum trying to figure out this engineering thing

Mama's boy!

His biggest sister.  He just loves his sisters, Agnes in particular!

  

--- 4 ---

MYA

Last, but certainly not least, my Mya.  This little lady is my handful.  She is adorable and funny and totally sassy.  She's smart as can be and completely set on making me work for my title as "mom" each and every day.  She loves to climb, tear things up, touch EVERYTHING, open doors, read/rip up books, eat, and dance.

She spends a lot of time strapped to me, on my back when we're out somewhere.  She spends some time in the pack n play at home when I have to get something done.  She's curious and that's the biggest understatement ever.  But it's not always safe...  

Mya basically potty trained herself.  She's totally trained, and I hardly had to do a thing.  She tells me when she needs to go and she's dry at naptime and most bedtimes too.  She only wears a diaper to bed and we never worry about her having accidents.  She makes Anna's potty training experience look horrible, even though I thought she was pretty easy!  

Her verbal skills have exploded since living with us.  When we got her 5 months ago, she was hardly talking.  She grunted a lot and pretty much only said her sister's name.  Now she never stops talking and is clear as can be.  She certainly can communicate what she wants and sometimes I almost wish she'd go back to her silent days for a few minutes :-).  

 

 We also took the side rail off her crib recently, so she's now in a toddler bed.  She's done great and hasn't tried to get out.  She was starting to climb out of the crib and so to ensure her safety, we just bit the bullet.  It's been pretty smooth and I hope it stays that way!  

My beautiful youngest child, snot and all.

Always wants to be like her sisters.  Dressed up like princesses!

Not a fan of the snow...

Discovery museum!  She loves this car!

All pictures of Mya are blurry.  She never stops moving.

Her own creation.  She's wearing a pirate outfit with a leopard print skirt and butterfly antennas on her head... And proud of it.

Moneky joes was made for this climber.  She can climb even the tallest of inflatables.  We were impressed that no tower was to tall and she has no fear at all.

 

--- 5 ---

JEREMY

He's the best husband and daddy ever.  What more do I need to say?

He's also been working hard at getting in shape and he's lost a lot of weight (I'm jealous). 

 

--- 6 ---

ME

I've also been working at getting in shape.  We joined a gym recently and I've gone every day for two weeks now.  It's actually nice quiet time for me now.  I used to hate exercising but with 4 toddlers, I now look forward to the peace and quiet to work out my frustrations. 3-4 days a week my sisters, mom, and MIL take a day and come watch the kids for me and the other day or two I just drop them off at the childcare at the gym.  I don't know if I've lost any weight or not, although my clothes are fitting better.  We don't have a scale, so I'm not even sure.  

 

Along those lines, when I went for my yearly exam, I had high cholesterol.  The doctor was a little surprised, because I actually eat a very low cholesterol diet and I'm pretty active with 4 toddlers.  But I'm going to work on getting it down with more exercise and I'm taking her recommended 2 Tablespoons of fish oil daily (YUCK!).  Hopefully my recheck in April goes well.  Hopefully I'll shed some weight and that will help. 

And as embarrassing as it is, I'm going to post my "before" picture to keep myself accountable and for my own personal "records".

 

--- 7 ---

 And finally, if you read all that, I'll treat you to some fun pictures :-).

Dinner and a movie!

Doing puzzles with my big girls

Taking a water break at Monkey Joes

Everyone in the tractor at the discovery museum!

They orchestrated this all on their own.  Anthony climbed right in Agnes' lap, as he often does, and Mya followed suit.  I couldn't resist the picture :-)

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Lent

I intended to have this up yesterday and I just seem to be behind all the time.  I have found it fruitful to look at posts from past Lents to see how God has used that time in my life.  So here's a little rundown of what Lent will look like over here.

1) Typically during naptime I veg on the couch.  Usually from 1-3 I have quiet time to myself and generally I take that time to catch up on shows on my DVR or watch whatever's on.  Not super fruitful or productive. But very relaxing.  After taking care of my kids all morning, I need some time to veg out and not have to use my brain.  So for Lent, I'm going to allow myself 45 minutes of TV time.  That's one DVR'd show.  The other hour plus of time I have, I am going to spend doing other things.

2) More Spiritual Reading being one of those things.

3) More blogging being one of those things.  I know a lot of people who fast from blog/social media for Lent.  I don't have much time with four toddlers, so I check FB, IG, blogs during naptime while vegging and sometimes when they go to bed, but beyond that, my phone is usually in my coat pocket ready to head out the door whenever I need to (which is why I'm bad at answering the phone...). Blogging is so fruitful for me, it allows me a stress release.  It also allows me to have a digital scrapbook of my thoughts, feelings, pictures, kids' milestones, etc...  So instead of fasting from it, I'm hopefully going to be posting 2-3 times a week.

Those are my personal Lenten goals.  I think giving of my time is definitely what my spiritual life needs right now.

As far as our family goes, I'm behind on the prep work, but what I'd like to do is:

1) A friend gave me a Family Lent book about Mother Teresa.  So we're reading that daily.

2) I printed off a Lenten countdown for the bigger girls and they're coloring in the days as we go.

3) I'm taking Catholic Icing's idea of a Lent candle cross, lighting a new candle each Sunday.  The kids really loved that during Advent and it was a great chance for us to talk about what Advent meant.  So we're going to do that through lent as well.

4) I'm going to make a crown of thorns with playdoh and toothpicks for the kids.  They can take a toothpick out when I catch them being helpful, making good choices (walking away from someone bothering them being a big one right now), being kind,etc... Reenforcing the good behaviors that we've been very diligent about instilling in the kids.

All in all, I'm trying to keep it simple, prayerful, and down to my kids' level.

Also, last weekend I went through closets and purged big time.  I was feeling overwhelmed by the clutter and Lent is a great time to get rid of it.  I dropped off 4 garbage bags of stuff at the Mission and it feels good to have organized closets.  I'm also selling a bunch of (big) baby things online.  Almost all of it sold quickly.  I kept my favorite and most used baby items but realized I had A LOT of stuff from Anna and Anthony.  If we're blessed with another baby, he/she will be just fine with the few items I kept :-).  I haven't gone through baby clothes, but they're neatly organized by size and gender, so I will hold onto them in for a while.