Question/Answers for those Discerning Adoption

These questions were posted by Grace in My Heart, another Catholic/IF/Adoption blogger.  Here are my answers:


1. How did you know when to begin the adoption process?

Adoption had always been something we had talked about.  However, after learning that our chances of conceiving were slim to none, we knew exactly what God was calling us to do.  We began the process right away as we had no reason to wait and were already anxious to become parents.

2. Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted? What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?

I don't feel like we "failed".  We feel like God called us to adoption and he made it pretty clear :-).  God's plan never includes failing, it is always perfection.  That's my advice, prayer, and an understanding that God's plan is ALWAYS perfection.
3. Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption? What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?

We have always been 100% on the same page.  Sorry, not much advice here!
4. How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?

There aren't very many agencies in our area (that we know of anyway) and we are very familiar with Catholic Charities as we know people who have used them and we know people who work for them.  Because of financial/time reasons, we knew Domestic Infant was the way to go for us.  We also discussed openness at length and realized that there's nothing holding us back from being as open as possible.  We have no reservations when it comes to various situations/races etc...  That may change in the future as we adopt again, only because of the way things may affect our current child.  As far as communication with birth parents, we were willing to be open to what the birthparents wanted.  However, at this point, we crave interaction with Anna's birthmom.  We WANT to meet her and talk to her and get to know her.  However, she's not ready for that and the ball's in her court.  I think it would  be wonderful to have all of the "answers" for Anna as she grows up from her birthmom, but I may not get that and I've had to accept that.  I never realized how much I'd WANT contact with a birthfamily. 

5. Adoption can be really expensive. What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?

I don't know, any suggestions anyone?  We still don't have this figured out... except that when we get our Adoption tax credit money back next year, we intend on setting it all aside for Adoption #2!

6. Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth? If you've never been pregnant, do you feel like you missed out on this experience?

I absolutely 100% feel like a mother.  There's not a part of me that doesn't.  In fact, I often feel guilty for forgetting that her birthmom actually carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her.  I feel like I've always been her mother and she is 100% our daughter. 

I don't miss out on being pregnant.  I guess I have so many friends who are/have been pregnant, most of the people I hang around with in fact, that I guess I kind of "experience" it through them.  I also hear from them once in a while that they're slightly jealous of my 4 hour "pregnancy" when we found out about Anna.  No stress, no worry, no sickness or labor or dr. appts or anything!  But honestly, pregnancy is never something I pictured or desired for myself.  Children yes, pregnancy, no.  I guess I attribute it to God preparing my heart long ago for our journey to children.
7. What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?

Novena to St. Anne :-).  St. Anne said some serious prayers for us as we started a novena to her shortly after our adoption fall through (with the biggest intention being a quick wait time) and the day it ended, our sweet Anna was born and 10 days later we found out about her and picked her up!  And that's one of the reasons her name is Anna, it's after St. Anne.

 Adoption: Choosing it, Living it, Loving it by Dr. Ray Guarendi.  We were given this as a gift when we first started the adoption process and it was very informative and I've referred to it may times since.

Seek out others who have been there or are in the same place you are.  I didn't and I wish I would have at the time.  I felt alone in my infertility.  We had plenty of people who offered support, but aside from one person, I didn't really have anyone in my current situation who understood the emotions and what I was going through.  Find other blogs and other people who struggle with the same things, it makes you feel more "normal" and it's much easier to work through the emotions.

8. What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?

Being a mother!  And sharing our story and giving hope to people in similar situations.  And specifically being Anna's mom, I can't imagine a better child and I'm so glad God created her to be a part of our earthly family.