AWC

I haven't posted much on our adoption wait lately.  Mainly because I hate waiting and am having a hard time with this one in particular.  Maybe some of that has to do with the 14 pregnancy announcements I've had in the last month, all due Jan-Mar.  That's a lot to take in for someone who wants more children so very badly.

However, I think most of the waiting challenge has been the feeling of futility this time around.  I feel like what we're asking for as far as what we will take in the Adopting Waiting Children is just unattainable.  Those kids just don't exist.  It's one of those pot calling the kettle black things.  I'm always frustrated with people in our adoption support group who complain about the wait, but are only signed up for the "perfect" kid, having super strict parameters.  And now we've been one of them.  I was always hopeful with our other adoptions, this time I just felt like we were going nowhere.

Anyway, that's not where I was going with this...

We've decided to open up our parameters.  Originally we said we'd only take children under 5 who were available for adoption.  We're coming to realize that there are rarely children that age whose parental rights are terminated.  The foster care system in Illinois just doesn't work that fast.  Sure, there are plenty of babies and toddlers in the foster care system.  Many of whom will be adopted.  However, something like 90% of them are adopted by their foster parents. 

So basically, we have to be foster parents first if we want children of similar ages to the children we already have.  I've been slowly opening up to that idea but it's taken some time.  It scares me to bring kids into our home, get attached to them, and then possibly send them home.  Am I emotionally ready for that?

Well, you know how God puts those people in your life just at the right time when you least expect it?

There was a lady at the park today who I recognized.  She had come to our agency's Birthmom's Day celebration with her 4 adopted children and 2 foster children.  I recognize faces very easily.  If I've met you once, I'll remember you forever.  It's just one of those things I'm good at.  And I'll likely remember anything you told me (for instance, I remembered that one of her daughter's adoption was being finalized two days after the celebration).  Why I remember things like that, I just don't know.

So I normally don't just go up to people I recognize and talk to them, I'm just not comfortable enough for that.  Unless they recognize me too or I know them through my parents or in a few other circumstances.  This time was different.  I really felt like I needed to say hi to her.

I walked up to her and asked if she remembered me and explained where I knew her from.  Come to find out, she recognized me also because she grew up across the street from Anthony's birthmom.  She remembered us because J was with us at the celebration.  And she said Anthony looks just like J did at this age.  She used to baby-sit J and her sister.  Talk about a small world.

We got to talking about our kids' adoption stories and she shared some of her foster care stories after I mentioned being in the AWC program with the same agency.  I wanted to talk to her for hours, but between the 6 kids she had with her and the 2 of mine, we only got about 30 minutes.  But it was enough for me to feel incredibly opened up to foster care.  I let my guard down and it was like God was telling me that I could handle it.  It felt clear.

It's been on my heart for a while now and I needed a shove in the right direction.  God shoved me today.

Jeremy and I talked it over after he got off of work.  We talk about it a lot and again, had just been waiting for that sign that it was time.  We emailed our case worker tonight.  I'm ready for this portion of our adoption journey to begin.  I'm sure it won't be easy, but ultimately it's about helping kids during their most challenging time of need.  Whether or not God has more children for us to adopt, we are going to make a difference and be a parent figure to children who really need it.  We are going to use our infertility to change the life of more children than we thought when we said, "I do".