Contentment

Life at our house is crazy.  No one's surprised by that I'm sure. 

I fall into bed at night completely and totally exhausted and ready for an uninterrupted night of sleep.  That doesn't happen.  Ever.  I spend my days doing anything and everything.  I fix meals, clean up toys, scrub toilets, do laundry, wipe noses, clean bottoms, put kids on the potty, take kids off the potty, etc...  I don't sit down, I don't rest. 

And yet, I've never felt this content in my life.  I feel such peace right now.

My house is full.  My hands are full.  My heart is overflowing.  My to-do list has never looked so crazy and I know it will only get crazier.  And yet when I sit down and they're all asleep, all I can think about is how blessed I feel. 

One kid talks my ear off all day long.  One kid melts down at everything, or nothing depending on the day or moment and refuses to just lay down and go to sleep.  One kid smiles and chatters happily all day long. And one child keeps me on my toes, protecting her from harm and trying to teach her boundaries each and every moment of the day.

And yet through all the struggles, annoyances, frustrations, and moments of surrender, my heart is happy. 

I've felt peace many times in my life.  Joy too.  But being the mom to these four beautiful children has changed me.  I still lack patience.  I still have trouble controlling my temper at times.  I still struggle to give up control.  And at the same time, I feel that God has transformed me in these last few months.  I've come a long way in patience.  I've learned more self control as I react to my children and their teachable moments.  I've given up a lot of control in a lot of ways.  And I've gained control in a lot of ways. 

This winter has been HARD.  The sheer volume of snow.  The fact that 10 degrees feels warm after months of negative temperatures.  The fact that school's been cancelled.  Getting 4 kids dressed appropriate and in and out of the car is nearly impossible at these temps.  We've been home bound for most of the winter.  And that's HARD for me.  And at the same time, our family has bonded.  Our kids are siblings through and through.  We have formed great attachments with our two newest girls.  Our family dynamics have changed and molded.  God has done beautiful things in our lives with the addition of Agnes and Mya.

And I'm looking forward to spring and getting out of my house :-)