Four Years Ago

February 7, 2011 was the day that we thought we were becoming parents.  This was baby S's schedule'd c-section day and the day he was born at 6lbs, 4oz.  He was a cute little thing and we were totally in love.  We were at the hospital when he was born and got to meet him and hold him shortly after. 

And 24 hours later, we received the devastating news that his birthmom had chosen to parent. 

And sadly enough, at that point, we expected that.  Things were not going as we had hoped.  We sensed the tension and the uncertainty in the room the previous day.  But we had hoped with everything we had that what we thought was coming wouldn't actually happen.

We did not become parents that day.  And we were totally devastated.

Although we didn't know it at the time, God was preparing our hearts for our parenthood to begin.  Just three weeks after that, another c-section was scheduled.  One that we would know nothing about until 10 days after it happened.  That baby would be our very sweet Anna.

It's hard to understand God's timing for things.  And it's hard to wrap your mind around why certain things happen or don't happen.  And on one hand, we're sad that we had to experience that situation.  And on the other hand, we're grateful because that fallthrough allowed us to receive the gift of our Anna.

We've received updates once in a while on Baby S and his sisters.  And unfortunately, they're not good updates. And so we pray for him.  And his sisters.  And his birth family.  And we hope that he is being well taken care of and happy and healthy.  And we thank God for our children and for sending them to us the way that He did.

It is still bittersweet to think about baby S and that whole situation.  We wanted to be parents more than anything in the world.  To have that taken from you so quickly is so very hard.  And the joy that followed a month later was so very wonderful.  That fallthrough made us better parents to Anna and our other kids.  And it helped us get through our most recent foster fallthrough.  And I can see clearly how God brings good out of hard situations.

So if you think of it today, say a prayer for baby S and his family.  Wherever he is, whoever he lives with, I pray that he is loved, well cared for, happy and surrounded by people that care.