Ash Wednesday

We were reflecting yesterday about last year's Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday 2011 was a rough day.

I mean, Ash Wednesday is supposed to be a rough day.  A day to reflect on the upcoming 40 days of prayer and fasting.  But it's especially rough because mybody doesn't handle fasting well, I usually end up with a super headache and I get light-headed and extremely dizzy. And cranky. I try not to let it affect me, but it's out of my control.

So anyway, last year was definitely the toughest.  That evening, I went to pick up Jeremy for Mass. I had to wait in the car for like 10-15 minutes while Jeremy finished stuff up at work.  That resulted in us being late for Mass. If there's one thing that pushes my buttons faster than anything, it's being late.

So I was mad at him for making us late to Mass. I "lectured" him on the way there and I stewed all through Mass about his inconsiderateness.  Then my cell phone rang in Mass. It never rings, I hardly ever use it, so I don't think to silence it. Well, at that point, I was jumping at any and all phone calls because it may be "the one". It was my mom, not my caseworker. So I was mad, embarassed, and basically frustrated with the world on that day.

That evening I resolved to have a very fruitful Lent.  I was going to pray more and offer up this time of waiting to God.  I was going to walk with Christ through these 40 days as my own personal days in the desert.  I was going to come out of it with a renewed hope and greater patience in our adoption wait.

So Thursday I woke up, prayed my rosary, spent a lot of time in prayer and thought, hey I can do this.  One day at a time.

That day was Thursday, March 10.  At 11:00 I got the phone call about our Anna.  I remember it all so vividly.  It was like on Wednesday and early Thursday time had stood still.  Then with one phone call, time began to fly.  It's still flying today.  I can't believe that was already a year ago.  And sometimes I can't believe it was only a year ago. 

My personal Lent was very short last year.  I had a hard time being somber and fasting when my life was so utterly joyful.  I got my Easter early last year.  My goal was achieved in that short time as I had given my struggles to God.  And He blessed me abundantly.  More than I could ever imagine.  This year, I'm setting out again to deepen my relationship with God.  It will be easier to fast this year, as we're once again in a time of waiting.  But I can't help but feel overjoyed at the same time.  God has done great things in our lives in a year.  Our whole world has changed. 

This year I thank God more than ever for giving us seasons.  The season of prayer and fasting holds a special place in our lives.  It's necessary.  It creates in us a desire to know God better.  It creates in us a desire to celebrate His Resurrection more fully.  I had a hard time thinking of one thing to give up this year and I realized that Lent doesn't call for us just to sacrifice one thing.  It calls for us to give everything in our day to Christ.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm giving everything a purpose.  I'm giving up little things each day to make my whole day point to Christ.  And I'm giving myself in prayer.  Not only myself, but my family as well.