New Normal

There was a moment on the evening when Agnes and Mya were dropped off to our house when I thought, "What have we done?  Will we ever see "normal" again?"

It was a brief moment, a quick pit in my stomach.  It was gone a quick as it came, but I remember it vividly.  Life has changed.  We never did get back to "normal".  How could we?  Our family nearly doubled in size overnight.  Our toddler count sky rocketed.  What was "normal" was gone, done, never to be heard from again.

As time went on, I realized we wouldn't go back to how things were.  That's not really how it works when you add people to your family.  I should've known this.  But I learned it on a whole different level adding two toddlers from challenging backgrounds.  They brought baggage and we brought only our limited parenting knowledge.

It's been amazing to see how we've all grown.  Certainly we've grown as parents.  But what is more amazing is how Agnes and Mya have grown.  And I'm not just talking about the 5 inches Mya grew in the last 6 months (I'm not even joking!!).

Looking back at pictures, you can see the fear, anxiety, and exhaustion in their eyes.  They're lives had been uprooted again (for the best, but still uprooted).  They didn't know what a family was supposed to look like.  They didn't know how to feel loved.

October - Forced smiles or no smile at all for the kids (all but Anthony, you can always count on him to be happy through anything)

June - All real smiles (Anthony was being goofy)

As I look at pictures now, our most recent family pictures in particular, I can see the difference.  The girls are happy.  Truly happy.  They have a family who loves them unconditionally.  They have come to realize that they get to stay here forever.  They've come out of their shells.  They're willing to try new thing, gain new experiences, test boundaries (because they have some now), be silly, act like kids.

A good example for me is their experiences at the pool.  I'm not sure if they'd really ever been to a pool before.  They came with floaties... but they had no clue what to do in water, very unlike Anna and Anthony.  The first time we took them to the pool, they stood on the side crying.  They were afraid.  Agnes wouldn't get her face wet.  Mya wouldn't walk in the 1ft. deep water.  Anna and Anthony were running around and splashing away.

We quickly learned with the girls that we had to force them out of their (very small) comfort zone.  We had to literally push Agnes down the water slide.  Two seconds later, she'd climbed the stairs and had gone down by herself.  We had to force her to jump off the side of the pool.  Now, she begs to jump by herself.  Mya's been the same way.  It seems harsh at the time, but they quickly realize how much they love it if they just try.  We go to the pool now and they're swimming around, splashing, putting their face in the water, jumping in, doing "tricks" and having an absolute blast.  The smiles on their face say it all.

Our adjustment period is over.  It was a few months ago.  We gave our family some time to come to a new normal.  Our home looks much different than it did a year ago.  But it's better for sure.  The girls were meant for our family.  They are truly special, happy, wonderful little girls and we love them dearly.

I laugh at that "moment of dread" that I experienced at first.  When I questioned God, "Are you really sure about this?"  He laughed.  Life is fun, crazy, chaotic, and full of joy around here.  All four kids are happy to be siblings.  They're best friends and they act like siblings.  We're a family, and I think all 6 of us feel that now.

Adoption is hard.  Especially through foster care.  The kids come from challenging places.  And "normal" isn't a word they know.  But I sit here now, thankful.  I'm so thankful that my kids have found their normal.  That we, as a family, have adjusted and come out stronger, happier, and definitely louder than before!

June 2014

October 2013