Bye bye tax return

It feels like we're always working on some kind of home improvement project, I guess that's what comes with owning a home.  I feel like the money flies straight out of the checking account about as quickly as we can get it in there...  But since the adoption fell through, and we have more time and money on our hands, we decided there's no time like the present to get working on a few things we were saving for.  So this last week, we've very quickly spent our tax return money! 

First we put up corner trip pieces in our home.  There are a lot of corners where the paint color changes as well as a lot of high traffic corners where dings and dents happen often, and we don't even have kids yet!  So we put up some inexpensive corner trim and after trips all over town to different hardward stores, we finally found enough of them.  For some reason every place was out of the one color we needed!  So Jeremy got to use the saw he got for Christmas and with a little bit of caulk, voila, clean edges!  They look so nice and really complete the look of the rooms for us!

Then we had our radon mitigated in our crawlspace.  When we moved in, our radon levels were just barely above the "safe" level.  Not really of concern, but still important to get fixed.  (Especially if we ever intend on selling the home, not for a long time though!)  So the guys came to install a fan and put down plastic that sealed it all off.  They sent the fan through the roof of the garage and outside.  They also sealed off the sump pump.  When it was first tested, it was 4.5.  When it was retested, it was like a .3!  They said that was lower than outside!  Yay, it worked!

Then our computer kind of bit the dust.  It was becoming an hour long process just to turn it on and try to get the internet to work.  It has been slowly fading away for a while and when a really sweet Presidents Day sale came up, we jumped! So the first bit of our return went to purchasing this new one, which is oh so nice and very fast!  Yay!

Finally, we had GutterHelmets installed on our exterior.  We got a flyer in the mail last spring for them and saved it because it sounded like a good idea.  We have 5 trees in our yard with another in the neighbor's yard that hangs over our house as well.  Of these 6 trees, 4 of them are those maple trees that drop the helicopter seeds (those things were pretty cool when we were kids, not so cool now that we have to rake them up...).  So needless to say our gutters fill up with leaves and seeds pretty darn quick.  Jeremy had to climb up there and clean them out over and over again last year, and that was just on the front ones that he could reach.  We hadn't even tried the back, they're too high.  We also had a spot that was sagging a little bit and causing massive overflow into our mulch which led to mulch in the yard and quite the experience when mowing.  So anyway, we called them up, they honored last year's deal since we still had the flyer and although they were pricey, they are going to pay for themselves very quickly!  They also come with a lifetime warranty and if for some reason the gutters were to ever get clogged, they'll come clean, fix, replace for free. 

So bye bye tax return.  And hopefully hello to more value added into our home!  And hopefully we'll need our savings for another adoption in the near future...

Chair of St. Peter

 Happy Feast Day!  Today is the feast of the Chair of St. Peter.  I, however, didn't know this until I got to Mass today at the Newman Center and Father spoke about it in the opening prayer.  As soon as he said it, Jeremy and I looked at each other and had to contain our giggles.  (1st picture: Statue of St. Peter in St. John Lateran Basilica, what used to be the official church of the Pope, now it is St. Peter's Basilica)

When we were in Italy in 2009, we were there when the Pope began his trip to Africa.  However, on the morning before he left, he said Mass at St. Paul's Outside the Walls Basilica.  When we toured the basilica, that same day, it was still set up from his Mass.  This second picture is the picture of the Pope's chair that he used for Mass that day.  The very literal version of the "chair of St. Peter" and the very chair that Pope Bendict XVI sat in earlier that day.

So being a male and feeling the need to get yelled at by security guards in Italian, Jeremy and Sean decided it would be a good idea if Jeremy sat in it and took a picture.  So they sneakily waited for the guards to turn around and Jeremy quickly sat in it for a picture and of course gestured as the Pope might gesture (and maybe it would look more real without his cheesy smile :-).  Third picture: Jeremy in the Pope's chair.

What this picture doesn't show is that Italian security guard running towards them shouting things in Italian and Jeremy and Sean quickly apologizing and running away.  Meanwhile, the rest of us stood back and laughed, okay, maybe I was standing back incredibly nervous and worried that my husband was going to be kicked out of a basilica in Rome by the Italian guards and thrown in an Italian jail...  Maybe I just don't like breaking rules whether they're stated or understood...

However, it's pretty cool that I have a picture of my hubby sitting in the Pope's chair!  Despite him breaking the rules to do so...

And while it made us giggle during Mass, it seriously is a very cool Feast day.  A feast day dedicated to the authority of the Pope and the "chair" or office that he holds.  We were reminded during Fr.'s homily of the huge role that the Chair of St. Peter should and does hold in our faith, in our families, and most importantly in the Catholic Church.  Without a position 100% guided by the Holy Spirit in our Church, the Truth of Scripture and Tradition could not be carried on today.  It is a reminder that we need to pray daily for our Pope and pray for the unity of all Christians, united in Truth.

Final picture: The two of us in St. Peter's Square, in front of St. Peter's Basilica.  It was super early in the morning, so it was a perfect picture opportunity.  If not for the lady and the backpack, it would look like we photoshopped ourselves in!

Thanks and a name

Thank you everyone for all of the prayers.  It quite literally is what is getting us through this rough time in our adoption journey.  I cannot believe the mass amounts of people that have prayed for us and continue to do so, it means so much to us.  At one point, we said that we wish that the birth mom could see just how much support we have in our lives, just to get a glimpse of the life her child could have had... Maybe that's just being selfish of me...

Anyway, people ask us how we're doing, and in answer to that, we're doing okay.  There are certainly rough moments, but overall, we've accepted that our time will come and now it is our duty to pray for this child each and every day of our lives.  He is our "spiritual child" from here on out and we would appreciate prayers for him and his family.  I still break down quite a bit throughout the day, certain times are harder than others.  At this point, we have put our profile back into circulation and are hoping for a short wait again this time...  The wait is the hardest part of this whole thing, knowing it will start all over again and we have no idea or control over how long it is...

On another note, the name.  The birth mom never actually named him while we were at the hospital.  I think it had become a source of stress for her and she simply avoided it all.  We have been calling him by the name we picked out for the last few weeks, but honestly, I couldn't bring myself to call him that after he was born.  I sensed the hesitation on her part and knew things were not going to work out so smoothly.

The name that we have chosen for our first son is Anthony.  While this baby would have been Anthony, it is still a name that we means a great deal to us, so it is a name we will use in the future.  However, I'm simply tired of keeping it a secret, and my hubby agreed.  So there you have it, curious minds can be put to rest :-).  And just in case anyone is wondering, our favorite girl name is Abigail Clare. 

Sorry for the randomness, that's simply how my mind is functioning right now.  And again, thanks for all of the prayers and support.  We feel truly blessed by all of the people in our lives and we know that our future children are going to feel the same.

Adoption Attempt #1 = failed...

Well, our worst fears came true today when we heard from our caseworker that the birth mom has changed her mind.  She is planning on taking the baby home with her tomorrow when she's discharged.

Please keep us in your prayers as this is extremely hard for us to deal with.  We are very upset and feel very hurt and even a little bit used.

We appreciate everyone's support and prayers as we deal with all of our emotions and figure out where to go from here.

Baby Boy is here!

Our baby boy was born this morning at 8:36am.  He weighs 6 lbs, 4 oz and is 19.5 inches long (long and skinny!).  I got to hold him briefly after he was born and he is absolutely wonderful and absolutely adorable.  As of right now, we have a name picked out but haven't yet heard what the birth mom named him at birth (although we think it was the name we picked...)  So until that's official, we'll keep it a secret.  However, if everything goes as planned and he comes home with us on Thursday, the name we chose will be his name.  Confusing?  I hope not...

We are extremely happy and I can't stay away from the nursery for more than like 10 minutes (it's about time for my shift again :-)  We're looking forward to speaking with the birth mom and getting to hold him hopefully later today but until then we're hanging out at the hospital and trying very hard to keep our eyes open as we didn't really sleep last night!!

Please keep us all in your prayers, as until she signs her surrenders on Thursday, she is his parent and we are simply "visitors".  So please pray for a smooth week here at the hospital and that the adoption goes smoothly and without drama, and that we get to bring home our son on Thursday!

FAQ's

So I've learned in the last year or so that many people (myself included prior to this process) simply don't know much about adoption.  They don't know how it works or the specifics of it.  I've learned SOOOOO much this last year about adoption that I feel like I need to share it with others.  Most of the information people "know" about it come from movies and media that simply present the extreme cases that are so far from the reality of it.  So here's a short list of questions that people regularly ask me and my responses (most of them specific to how it's applied in our case).

Disclaimer #1: Many of these things are situation specific, all birth moms are different, all babies' stories are different, and all situations are different!

Disclaimer #2: I do NOT mind being asked questions, at all.  Almost all of the time, they're asked out of curiosity and a desire to know more about it, both of which are wonderful, and I'm happy to share.

1) When will you legal be his parents?
     A birth mom has a minimum of 72 hours to finalize her decision to parent or proceed with her adoption plan.  This gives her a chance to experience all of the emotions/hormones that follow giving birth as well as a chance for her to be off of medication/anesthesia that could impair her judgment or interfere with her ability to sign a legal document.  While this 72 hours is SUPER HARD for the adoptive families, it makes complete sense and it is done out of consideration for someone who is making the hardest decision of their lives.  So 72 hours after the birth of our baby boy, his birth mom will sign surrenders.  These are legally binding documents that are irrevocable.  She is first read all of the information in the document, asked questions, and all of the legalities are explained to her by her case worker.  Once these documents are signed, he will legally be under the guardianship of Catholic Charities.  We will technically be his "foster parents" for 6 months until the court date when the adoption is finalized.  Birth father's have the same kind of rights, but if he has not signed after the birth, he has 30 days to do so.  In our case, he is aware of the pregnancy and the adoption plan, but lives out of the state, so it is up to the lawyers, after the baby's born, to obtain his surrenders.  If for some reason he will not sign before the 30 days and has been contacted, his rights are automatically revoked by the legal system.  In our case, our risk here is relatively low and not a cause for worry.

2) Have you chosen a name and was the birth mom a part of it?
    Basically until "surrenders" are signed at 72 hours, the birth mom is the legal guardian.  She has full rights as his mother and can name him whatever she wants.  At the final adoption (6 months) we can legally change his name to our desired name.  Being his parents during that period in between, we will call him by our name.  However, in our case, our birth mom ultimately wanted us to name him.  She told us that we are his parents and she wants his name to mean something to us.  She did have an idea for a name though, and we took it into consideration.  His first name is the name we originally chose and his middle name is a name that means the name she wanted.  Due to confidentiality reasons, we can't say the name she wanted until after he's born, and maybe not even then, but ultimately she was thrilled with our compromise.  It is a name that both Jeremy and I as well as his birth mom love and it has a lot of meaning for both of us.  She loved the fact that we thought about it careful and chose something that really means something as that was important to her.  We really wanted some way to recognize her with his name as she is a huge part of his life and will always be.  We are so thrilled with it and are excited to share it when he's born.

3)  When will you take him home?
      Since she's having a scheduled c-section, and generally the hospital stay is 3 days, most likely he will come home with us on Thursday, after the surrenders are signed.  If for some reason he is discharged before that, it will be up to the caseworkers, the birth mom, and us to decide whether he goes to an interim home until surrenders are signed or if we take a risk and take him home before they're signed.  Our birth mom expressed that she wants US to take him home, as we are his parents, but again, that is something that we'll have to wait and see.

4)  What happens in the hospital?
     The birth mom has asked us to be at the hospital with her when she delivers.  She has asked me to be in the delivery room with her and as long as her mind hasn't changed, this is how it will go.  She would like us to be at the hospital as much as possible and she would like us to spend as much time with the baby as we can.  However, things can change drastically as well.  Often times it is up to hospital staff at the time as to how adoptive situations are handled.  In an ideal situation, we'll have hospital bracelets and have full access with our own room and with birth mom's permission, the baby can be with us.  However, many times different staff members handle it differently and we may have very limited access at the hospital.  We simply don't know till we get there and while we hope it's an ideal circumstance, we've really kept open minds and are just going to wait and see (a common theme...).  I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bit dreading 3 days in the hospital... especially if we're just sitting around in a waiting room and the baby's in the nursery the whole time.

5)  Why open adoption?  Isn't that hard?
      Here is where I've become extremely passionate.  Before this whole process, I thought open adoptions were crazy.  However, being in the midst of one, I can't see it any other way.  I WANT my son to grow up knowing where he comes from and why he's a part of our family.  I WANT my son to have access to his birth mom and birth siblings and be able to ask questions and understand why an adoption plan was made for him.  I WANT his birth mom to have the comfort of knowing how he's doing, see him grow up, and constantly trust that she made the right decision, how could I ever rob a mother of that knowledge?  I WANT to be able to celebrate his birth siblings birthdays with them and with him, and vice versa.  It is so important for him to know his sisters and understand who he is and where he comes from.  Since meeting her, I can't imagine not having the conversations we've had.  I feel as though it would be easy to be judgmental if I didn't know her personally.  I know her situation, I know her reasons, I know her desires, and I know how much she loves him and he will ALWAYS know those things as well.  I am so glad that I can tell my son that his birth mom loved him so much that she made a decision that gave him a life she never could.  I know other families who have adopted and one in particular told me recently that her daughter's adoption is open and her son's is closed and she really wishes that his was open.  Her relationship with her daughter's birth mom is something that cannot be replaced and has been so helpful in raising her daughter that she wishes she had that for her son.

6) How soon before you can start the process again?
    First of all, let's not jump the gun, the first baby's not even here yet :-)!  At this point, it's hard to think past next week when our son will be born, but we have looked into it, so here goes.  Once the adoption is finalized, we will have to go through an abbreviated version of the homestudy.  We will have to update all of our paperwork (not redo, thankfully, just update/check).  This all takes a few months, but is relatively light compared with the first time we had to do it all.  So at the earliest, when he's 9 months old, we could be back in circulation.  We have no idea what this baby will be like, so we have no idea when we'll begin the process again.  However, since we don't know how long we'll have to wait the second time, chances are we won't be waiting too long.  Also, if the adoption tax credit still applies next year, the chance of us going for round too sooner is pretty high.  However, financially, it would be much harder if we don't get the money back from this adoption!  So we'll ... wait and see...


That's all of the major questions that I could think of right now, it was longer than I expected, but all information that I know people are curious about because I get asked daily :-)!  I think that our experience has been exceptional thus far and I look forward to next week.  (okay, that's the understatement of the year)  We are extremely excited to be parents and we are extremely comforted with the things the birth mom has said to us and conveyed to us.  However, we're realistic knowing that she has full legal rights until the surrender is signed and we have to respect her decisions and desires until then.

So keep the prayers coming big time the next few days and look forward to posts of our beautiful baby boy next week!  Pray for my sanity and patience as well :-)  The last few days have moved at a slower-than-snail pace...

And if you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask, I'll gladly answer them!

I'll end with a quote from Pope John Paul II that a friend sent me this week that has made me smile and cry multiple times (Thanks V): "To adopt a child is a great work of love. When it is done, much is given, but much is also received.  It is a true exchange of gifts."