Friday, December 17, 2010

Watch what you wish for!

Well, I ate my words today "no news is good news..."

Our case worker called about an hour after I posted that and had news for us.  It's good in some respect, bad in others.  The really good news is that the birth mom and the baby are healthy.  Everything looked great!  She also is very set in her adoption plan still and had simply lost our contact info (hence the lack of knowledge...).  The not so fantastic news is that her due date was moved... significantly... like a month and a half...  She now has a tentative c-section date for February 7!  Considering we were originally told sometime next week, that is quite the shock!  We're not all the way sure what to think at the moment, other than disbelief!

So anyway, she has a sonogram in two weeks at which point, hopefully the due date/c-section date will be more set in stone.  Then we do more waiting... We know how much I love waiting...  Another month and a half of this seems like sheer torture at the moment (as I'm sure it does for her as she felt ready to pop when we met her 3 weeks ago)!!!

The blessing in all of this is that baby boy gets another 5-6 weeks of good prenatal care.  He gets a chance to grow and "cook" a little longer!  In addition, it gives us a chance to get to know the birth mom better and have increased contact with her over the next month or so.  The cynical part of me also says that it gives her more time to change her mind, but we'll just ignore the fact that I thought that...

No news is good news?

We've had a lot of people asking, so here's an easy way to let everyone know.  So far, there's no more news regarding the baby.  So in the spirit of being positive, we're assuming no news is good news.

We know that the birth mom had a doctors appointment and sonogram yesterday.  We know that her case worker is in touch with her and our case worker is in touch with her case worker, who is then in touch with us.  And we know that the due date is quickly approaching.

We also know that our nerves are a mess and that each day we get more and more anxious.  I feel like everyone assumes that we are just beyond excited at this point.  The reality, no matter how excited we are, is that there are sill so many unknowns and so many things that could go "wrong" at this point.  The fact is, emotionally, we are quite the basket case at this point.  You never know when the fears and nerves are going to take over and you never know when the excitement is going to take over.

There's a lot of emotions at this point.  A few of my friends and coworkers have likened it to the last month of pregnancy and I would tend to agree.  However, as you near the end of a pregnancy, the fact is, the end result IS an addition to your family.  Now, obviously things can go wrong or not according to plan and I'm fully aware of that, but I think our struggle in this last waiting period is the reality that there may NOT be a baby at the end of this particular journey.  Sure we will put our names back in circulation, but this time, there is a very real possibility that it WON'T work out nicely.  And while we try not to dwell on that, it's always there in the back of our minds.

So I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is to bear with us.  We are at a point where we WANT to know information but we DON'T know anything more.  It is extremely hard to relay that to others who are just as excited as we are and want information as well.  When we do know information (that we CAN share), we WILL share it.  We are not secretive people, we are very open and honest about our lives.

The point of this post didn't intend to be a whine session, however, I guess as my emotions are a wreck, that's what came out.  So continue to pray for us and for the birth mom and baby boy.  Hopefully we will know something soon (you know, like a c-section date) but until then we've tried to accept the fact that it's all in God's hands and what better hands for it to be in, and when there's important information to know, we'll know it.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Christmas Cards

We like to send out photo cards each year for Christmas, or at least we have for the last few years since being engaged and then married.  We like to because we enjoy getting cards from others to hang on our refrigerator for the year.  I keep them up until I begin getting new ones and then I replace them!

This year, I was getting ready to order mine in November with a fall picture we took when our leaves were super pretty and decided to wait another week, more out of procrastination than anything else.  Boy am I glad I did.  That week was the week of our super exciting phone call about the baby that will hopefully be our son in just over a week!  So we definitely put a hold on the Christmas cards and meanwhile I called the daughter of a friend of ours who takes absolutely gorgeous pictures and was one of my students at Central last year as well as a family friend for as long as I can remember.  She's on standby to take some super cute newborn pics. (hopefully next week!!!!)

So this year we're doing a combined Christmas card/birth announcement.  Then I saw this link on two of my friends' blogs.  50 free Christmas cards for bloggers, sign me up.  So here I am sharing my favorite Christmas cards from Shutterfly and looking forward to some super cute Christmas cards with a super cute baby on them this year!

1) This one would be really cute with some newborn baby pictures: Family Wall Red

2) I can't wait to put up a year's worth of pictures of our son and look forward to a new picture each month with this: Wall Calendar (And maybe a cool gift for some family members!)

3) I also really like the Family Wall Blue card on this one (editing it to say "Merry Christmas" instead), very appropriate for a baby boy!


One of Jeremy's aunts sent her Christmas card early and in it she wrote a fun note saying "How can you top last year's Christmas card in front of St. Peter's Basilica?"  I told Jeremy that I hope this year we can top it with a beautiful baby boy, the most wonderful Christmas present anyone could receive!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Please do not say...

When we went through our Homestudy, a portion of it was dedicated to "How to word things." (Okay, maybe that's not the official title, but that's the best I could come up with for now...)  People often are very casual about the way they speak, I, myself, am guilty of not thinking before I speak (more often than not).  However, since receiving our phone call, I have become very sensitive to the language and wording that people use.  I realize that most times, things are said innocently, but I guess in order for it to change, I have to tell them it bothers me... Something I'm not very good at.  So here's a short list of things I have encountered recently and how to best rephrase them so as not to offend or judge anyone.

1) The term "giving them up for adoption" is the most common one I hear (and have used many times in the past).  I hadn't ever really thought about it myself, but if you truly think about the sacrifice that birth moms are making, you'll quickly realize there is no "giving up" about it.  It is just that, a sacrifice.  They are selflessly giving OF themselves so that their child may have a better life.  Instead, of "giving up", they are making an "adoption plan".  They are freely choosing to "place" their child with an adoptive family in order to GIVE them a better life.  They forever love the child, they forever think about the child, they forever give of themselves for the child.  Can you imagine, as a birth mom, hearing the term "giving up" over and over again?  I cannot, that would be torture, so I am now very careful to make sure the sacrifice and planning are key when describing her choice.

2) Your adopted son/daughter.  I haven't heard this one spoken to me, but I have heard it spoken to others.  My son will not be identified as "our adopted son."  I will forever identify him as "our son."  If needed I will say, "our son who we adopted".  It really can make a child feel like an outcast to place a label on them.  Would you go around referring to your child as "my birth son/daughter?"  No, so why put the adjective in front of a child who was adopted?  He will be first and foremost be "our son" and if questioned, yes, we adopted him, and love him because he is our son.

3) Doesn't she know where babies come from?  I've heard this one a lot referring to our birth mom.  Yes, she has other children.  Yes, she knows where babies come from.  She made it very clear to us that she does not see any of her children as a mistake, but she knows she's made some questionable choices in her past.  I want everyone to understand how highly we think of her.  She is making the ultimate sacrifice and she is a mother who loves her children, this was so apparent and our son will always know how much she loves him.  We are not here to judge her but to be a "family" to her in a very unique sense of the word.
     I have so much respect for her ability to look into the future and understand that the future of her child depends on her choice today.  She knows that choosing to place him with us, as his parents, that she is giving him the opportunity to be a virtuous and successful man in his future.  I cannot argue with those intentions and I see them as totally selfless.  It makes me hurt to hear negative things spoken about her, she's about to give us a gift more precious than anything.  Please pray for her and understand that no matter what happens, she is a part of our family now and she deserves respect, love, and all of the prayers we can give her.  I'm overcome with gratitude for her and joy that God has put her in our lives. 


Those are the major ones.  I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing anyone.  If you made one of these comments to me, I don't even remember who you are.  I don't want you to think I was mad, I just know if I don't want them said to me, I may as well tell you!  So just make sure you're careful about the wording of things, it's really made me think about the way I word things.  When in doubt, just put things in a positive manner.  Thanks!  Keep the prayers coming, we (S, baby, and the two of us included) need them!


P.S. I thought it would be really appropriate to write this on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  It's always humbling to think about the sacrifices mothers make and to remember our Mother Mary and her sacrifices for her son.  It is always important to remember that what we say and how we view others should always model our (sinless) Mother and her gentleness and compassion, she is the perfect model.  Mary, Mother of God... Pray for us!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Dumpster Dive Nativity Scene

So on the day that we first got our exciting phone call, Jeremy reminded me that Advent is a really appropriate time to be expecting a baby.  We found out just before Advent started and we will spend the majority of Advent preparing not only for the birth of our Lord, but also for the birth of our child.  It is a very neat parallel and a really cool chance to reflect on Mary and Joseph's journey at that point (without the very large belly and donkey ride).

Fast forward to yesterday when we went to meet S. As we were driving out of the neighborhood, we spotted something on the side of the road, a pile of "giveaway" Christmas items.  Among the items were a light up nativity scene (Jesus, Mary and Joseph) for outdoors.  Yeah, that's definitely on the top of my dumpster dive finds!!! We had wanted one but they're kinda pricey... So of course we picked it up, but we didn't have time to stop at home and drop it off.  So Jesus, Mary, and Joseph hung out in our backseat through our whole day.  We asked for Mary and Joseph's intercession and of course for Jesus' divine blessing on our meeting and we not only had them there in spirit and love, but also physically in plastic form in the car.  Needless to say, it was a constant reminder of our spiritual preparation for the coming of Christ and the birth of our son (that gives me goosebumps to say).

So here is a picture of our dumpster find, a for-free nativity scene and yes there is a baby Jesus, but it's Advent, so we're preparing for his coming.  He'll make his appearance on Christmas at about the same time that our son makes his appearance to in our home.

Monday, November 29, 2010

IT'S A.....

BOY!

Disclaimer:  For those of you that were hoping for a phone call, I'm just going to say that we are 100% exhausted from a very emotionally and physically draining day... So a blog post will have to do, and I apologize in advance it if is not very coherent...

Okay, now on to the good stuff!  We got to meet with our birthmom today who I'm just going to call S for the sake of this post and the fact that I don't want to type out birthmom over and over again.  It was wonderful to meet her and get to know her a little bit better.  It is truly a unique experience to get to meet the mother of your child!  I had all kinds of preconceived notions going into it and I can honestly say none of them were even close to correct. And we also got the exciting news that she's having a boy!!!

It was a wonderful chance for us to understand her story and what led her here now.  S gave us some wonderful insights into her life and her choice to make an adoption plan.  I have to say her reasoning and intentions are so carefully thought out and planned that I couldn't help but feel comforted by her.  So all in all, it was an effective meeting and a great chance for her to get to know us better and us to get to know her better.

She also asked me if I would be in the room with her during her scheduled c-section.  Due to health reasons, they are going to schedule one and it'll probably be in about 3 weeks, most likely the week before Christmas.  I was super excited about this, it definitely made me cry!!!  She also told us that she would like us to be at the hospital as much as possible and she would like us to be the ones to take the baby home (instead of interim care).  So these were all things that we were super thrilled about.  She also chanted, "You're gonna have a baby" to us multiple times :-)

We also were very curious about what it was about us that made her choose our profile.  S told us that she really picked us because she wants an ongoing relationship with the child and that was something that we clearly stated in our video.  She wants to have a chance to be a part of his life while giving him the chance to be raised by people who can give him the life that she wants for him.  So that was touching and she said that all of them cried when they watched our video and she knew the moment she saw it that we were going to be the parents of her child.  (Again, it made me cry)

The one thing that has yet to be nailed down is a name, there was some conflict here as she had a name in mind and so did we and they're like not even on the same planet of name choices...  So Jeremy and I think we've come up with a solution that will appease everyone (and we REALLY like) but I guess we won't know for sure until we talk with her again!

I would just like to ask a favor of everyone at this point...  Please pray for the health and safety of both S and baby.  At this point she's really close to the soon to be scheduled due date and she could use all the prayers you can give her, she has already become a part of our family and no matter what happens, she will always hold a special place in our lives, so I'd appreciate your prayers for her and the child that she's caring for.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankfuls

Update:  Yeah, apparently I can't spell...  Thanksfuls???

There are an unlimited number of things that I am thankful for.  However, for time and space's sake, I'll narrow it down to the ten most important:

1) OUR HOME - I'm thankful for a roof over our heads and a wonderful place that our children will be able to call home and always feel the warmth and comfort of our love.

2) FOOD - I always try to be thankful for the things in life that we take for granted.  I'm so grateful that I have the luxury of putting food on the table whenever I want!

3) JOBS - We always have to count our blessings with Jeremy's good job and my ability to kinda do whatever I want :-).  In a month that will be a stay at home mom and I am sooooo grateful to my husband for this opportunity.

4) LUXURIES - There are so many luxuries in our lives that I am thankful for.  I won't list them all for you, but many of them are small, many of them are huge, and I am so grateful that we live in a society where there's freedom and rights and we can express who we are and what we want to be in a very real and unjudged manner.

5) FRIENDS - I am so thankful for our amazing group of friends.  They constantly help us to grow in holiness, they are always there for us with good things and bad things.  They support, love, and help us in any way, shape or form.  We are so blessed with an abundance of good, holy people in our lives that we are grateful to call friends.

6) FAMILY - We have amazing, wonderful, supportive families and we enjoy each and every minute that we spend with them.  We are so blessed in this area and are so thankful for each member of our immediate and extended families.  They truly have shaped who we are and we have learned valuable life lessons from them.

7) THE CHANCE TO GROW IN HOLINESS - Through our infertility.  Without this opportunity, we never would have had the respect for birth families, we would have continued judging them.  We would never have the opportunity to grow our family in a very unique and very special way.

8) BIRTHMOMS - I'm so thankful for this group of women who choose life for their child, while knowing that they can't provide for them.  They truly make the ultimate sacrifice of love and I'm thankful to one in particular whose name I don't know yet and whose child I have not yet met, but hope to be a mother to very soon.  I am so thankful for her selfless gift of love and the chance to meet her and understand her.

9)  MY HUSBAND - He is such a wonderful, amazing person and I am grateful each and every minute of the day for him.  He is so patient, hard working, loving, and selfless.  I couldn't do it without him and I am so grateful for him.

10)  MY CATHOLIC FAITH - I'm so thankful for the opportunity to practice my faith freely and wholeheartedly. I'm thankful for being able to live in the Truth of Christ's presence each and every day and to have the chance to grow in holiness each and everyday.