My shy girl

People keep asking us if Anna doesn't feel well.  Mostly because when we talk to unfamiliar (to her) people, she buries her face in her daddy's shoulder and refuses to look at them.  They say she looks grumpy or unfriendly.

She is incredibly leary around new faces.  Especially men.  She LOVES her daddy and she LOVES her grandpa (she used to be scared of him) and papa.  However, beyond that, she's pretty much scared of them.  Her uncles terrify her even!  She doesn't get to see them all that often and despite them being super non-threatening, she is unsure.

And so she buries her face.  And often cries or whines.  She won't look at people or smile at people anymore when we're out and about.  Unless there are other kids around and then I think she just doesn't even see the adults in the room.  She becomes a performer, dancing, laughing, chasing other kids. 

Once she's familiar with people and situations, she's all about the attention.  She wants everyone to watch her and she puts on a show.  She'll be her usual crazy, active self that we're used to seeing at home.  She's loud and funny and incredibly cute. 

We were at story hour the other night and when we walked in, they were playing music.  She instantly joined the other toddlers on the carpet and danced her little heart out.  She was totally putting on a show.  And then it was time to sit in a circle and all of the sudden her smile faded and she shielded her face.  The thought of all those adults sitting in a circle looking at her was too much.  Until it was time for the kids to get up and play again.  And then she was her usual self. 

While we've always had her around lots of people and we encourage her to be polite, when she doesn't immediately look at you or smile at you, it doesn't mean she's unfriendly.  It means she's scared of a new place and new people.  She takes time to warm up.  And really, she always has.

Anna had a rough start to life, going from her birthmom's belly to a nursery with rotating nurses, to a newborn home with new faces, to another newborn home with new faces, to our home with new faces.   And from that time, she's gone everywhere with us.  But mostly she's stayed in our arms.  We were very careful to limit the time she got passed around, we wore her a lot to keep her close and so that she felt secure. We wanted her to feel secure and safe and to know that we'd always be there to protect her.  And while now that means she needs to be in our arms until she feels safe, I don't see that as a bad thing.  She's cautious.  And once she feels safe, she's friendly and fun and completely happy.

It gives me a new perspective on shy children.  They're not unfriendly.  They may just take their time getting warmed up.  Don't tell me my child looks sick or unhappy, please.  We're sure some of it stems from her being bounced around at birth.  She's formed solid attachments to her parents and brother and frankly, she's going to cling to us when she's unsure.  I see that as a very positive thing.

Anthony, in contrast, seems to be a total people person.  Part of it, I'm sure, is their differing personalities.  Part of it could be that we were there from day one.  He never had to be unsure of who to trust.  We took care of him night and day immediately after he was born.  He never had to form new attachments to new parental figures.  He's extremely comfortable being held by whomever, whenever.  He'll talk to anyone, smile at everyone and try his hardest to get attention.  He's not shy, at least not right now.