Lists

I've always been a list maker.  I like "to-do" lists.  I like to check things off.  More importantly, I love throwing the list away.

This was a great thing when I was in college.  I was known for getting things done way ahead of time and never having anything pressing on my list.

It was great when we were first married.  My house was always in perfect condition, there was no dust to be found, meals were cooked, groceries were stocked, the fridge was neat and tidy, etc...

And then we became parents.

Now I often feel like the lists are taking me over.

My house is a mess.  There are toys everywhere.  There are clean dishes in the dishwasher, dirty ones on the counter.  Last month's spaghetti is still hermetically sealed to the underside of Anna's booster seat.  My laundry has been sitting in the dryer for hours.  My kids are asleep, and all I want to do is sit and read a book.

So today I sat and read a book.  Because I know my limitations.  One of them is patience.  I learned that the hard way yesterday when I overzealously began to tackle chores when the kids went to bed.  And Anthony took a whopping 40 minute nap.  And Anna followed by waking up shortly after.  My patience was gone.  For the rest of the day, I had a hard time keeping my tone of voice calm and my words loving.  I failed big time. 

By the end of the day, everyone was grumpy and I couldn't wait for bedtime.  I missed out on an entire evening of fun with my children because I didn't take time to recharge my patience.  I have constantly prayed for God to grant me patience.  And in turn, he's given me increasing opportunities to exercise patience.  And in many ways, I have grown tremendously in the realm of patience.

However, when I let my lists get the better of me, I allow frustration to overwhelm me.  I allow the dust bunnies to take over my parenting.

So I decided today that instead of making "to-do" lists for naptime, I will make "to-done" lists for naptime.  Today I listed all the things that I had accomplished today.  And amazingly, the list was long.  More amazingly, was my attitude.  I don't feel like a failure today.  In fact, I realized that playing on the floor with my toddler and making silly faces at my baby makes a better check-mark on my list than sweeping the floor.  Anna was in a great mood, constantly shouting "Ommy, Ommy" and giving me endless hugs and kisses while showing me her super cool pumpkin.  Anthony rolled around on the floor for an hour, giggling and shaking some links.  I got to spend quality time with my kids (and niece) without worrying about my list.  Because I just didn't make one.

I took the first hour of naptime for myself (which is my goal in general, but I'm bad about actually doing it).  After an hour, I will have time to get done some chores that need done (like those sheets that need put on our bed).  If naptime doesn't last more than an hour, then at least my kids will wake up to a patient, relaxed Mama who is excited to spend her afternoon and evening with them.  The chores will wait.  My kids will not. 

I'm sure I will still write lists, some things need to be written down or they'll be forgotten.  But I'm going to make sure my list includes only things that are attainable.