Hail Mary

I have always loved the song "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman".  I always thought it was beautiful and I love the way it describes Mary, as our Mother.  It has always invoked some tears from me as I reflect on Mary and her role in my life.

On Mother's Day of 2010, the year before Anna was born, we had just finished our Homestudy and completed all of our necessary adoption paperwork.  We were "paper pregnant" and really ready for our parenting journey to begin.  (Well, we thought we were "paper pregnant", we weren't actually officially licensed until September.  We just didn't realize the state was so slow with stuff...)

We went to our usual Mass that day and before Mass, the choir sang that song.  The song I had always loved became heart wrenching to hear.  I wanted to badly to be a mother and hearing the song I loved so much was just too hard.  I bawled in my seat, before Mass ever started.  I pretty much bawled all through Mass, although I tried to hide it.  After Mass, hearing "Happy Mother's Day" said to pretty much everyone else around me made me want to run screaming.  That day was probably the most emotional I've been in our entire infertility and adoption journeys.  A day I so wanted to be a part of just went on without me.

Fast forward to 10 months later.  Each and every time I held Anna in my arms, I thanked Mother Mary and her mother, Anne.  I know they prayed for us.  I sang "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" to Anna over and over again, crying each and every time.  It became a nightly ritual, as I rocked her before laying her in her bed.  She loved it and she always smiled as I sang.

Anna definitely has a love for the Blessed Mother.  She is constantly pointing out our Mary pictures and statues in the house, saying "I wuv Mawy".  She begs me daily to pray the "Rosy" with her.  She shouts "Mawy" in Mass anytime she catches sight of the statue (thankfully we sit pretty far away from it or she'd be kinda crazy).  She begs me to sing "Mawy shongs" all day long.  We love to sing Immaculate Mary and she has all of the words memorized.  She has me sing that one to Anthony before bed.

However, every time I lay her down for a nap or bed, she begs "Shing Hail Mawry Mama!"  And I do.  And I still cry a lot of the times.  It's a reminder, each and every time, of what God calls me to be as a mother.  Gentle, strong, bright, peaceful dove, loving.  God chose Mary to be our example.  He chose her, from all women, to be our Mother, our guide in raising our children.

I am thankful for Mary's guidance.  She makes me a better mother, each and every day.  No matter how frustrating my 2 year old has been, hearing her say "Shing Hail Mawy Mama" is enough to melt away my frustration and bring peace.  I'm thankful that my 2 year old constantly reminds me to stop and look at Mary, the way Anna looks at me.  And I'm thankful that the tears that once showed my sadness are now ones of joy as I hear and sing that song.