Isolation

Today's been a crazy day for sure.  Yikes.

That's beside the point. 

The second thing I would like to say about infertility that I wish people understood was how isolating it can be.

We attended 5 other weddings in the 7 weeks surrounding our wedding.  Of those couples, we were the only couple not to announce a pregnancy within 3 or 4 months.  Our wedding was in July and as April and May came and went, after multiple baby showers and lots of Birth announcements in the mail, we felt pretty alone.  We didn't really have any friends (that lived here at the time) that were married (or even just dating) that didn't have kids.  We didn't fit in with the parents and we didn't fit in with the dating couples either.

On an individual level, I didn't really have any lady friends (well one, but she lived in Florida at the time) who were in my same situation.  It was hard.  I wanted so badly to be a part of the mom crowd.  But I didn't quite fit.  After a while, I just started attending mom functions anyway.  It felt better to at least be part of a Catholic women's group, even if I was the odd woman out without 3 kids under 4.  I'm grateful that they accepted me even though I didn't quite fit, they're some of my closest friends now and many have kids the same ages as mine (along with the 2-4 other children they have).

While I was very grateful for the community of women, it wasn't without its own sense of isolation.  The conversation constantly drifted to motherhood, naturally.  And I understand now, as a mother.  It was challenging at times, though.  The conversation centered around childbirth and breastfeeding and discipline and schooling.  I couldn't participate.  I can, to some extent, now.  However, many of those topics are still not applicable to me.  I've come to accept it and embrace it, it no longer bothers me, and I've been known to give advice on breastfeeding despite my lack of experience.  I've absorbed a lot of information regardless :-). 

So be aware.  Don't mistake quietness for disinterest.  Infertility can be and sometimes continues to be so very isolating.  In a way, I'm thankful.  It's uncommon, therefore, isolating.  I'm glad it's uncommon.  It's not something I wish on anyone.