Friends

I am so very fortunate to be surrounded by such great friends.  We have a Catholic moms group here in our area and let me tell you, these women are amazing. 

It is so uplifting to be around holy people.  It is inspiring to hear about how they teach their children the Faith.  It is encouraging to be surrounded by people who think and believe the same things that you do.  And all of these things make them amazing.

But I think what I find most amazing about them is their lack of judgementalness.  I made that word up I think, but whatever.  They don't judge people.  Or at least they try their very hardest not to.  They take the time to get to know people.  To serve people.  To listen to people.  They're your friend because of who you are, not for any other reason. 

A few years ago, I went through a rough time.  We'd been married a year plus but had no children.  We had a lot of friends.  Many of them single/dating/engaged.  We had many other friends who were married.  All of the married friends had kids.  None of the single/dating/engaged friends were quite in our same stage of life.  It was lonely and it was a major challenge.  I resented a lot of my married with children friends because of their super-fertile selves and I distanced myself from them.  I felt alone, like I didn't have anyone to relate to.

Once we heard the news that we couldn't have kids biologically and we had put ourselves full force into the adoption front, it was like a weight was lifted off.  Not only did I have a deep desire to be a mom, but I also had a deep desire to fit in.  I felt like people were always judging me for not having children.  (I know now thats not the case, but I felt it at the time).  I wanted to fit in so badly.  But more than that, I wanted what they had.  Once we started our adoption journey, I had a little bit of what they had.  At least I was "paper pregnant".  I was waiting for a child.  There wasn't one growing in my womb, but at least I felt like I could contribute to a conversation about having children.  I felt I could finally allow myself to research and decide on things that I wanted for my child(ren). 

During this time, I began to immerse myself among the moms.  I made myself fit in, I'll say.  I started attending their playdates when I could (I was subbing at the time).  I started going to their Mom's Night Outs.  And they accepted me.  Sometimes it was awkward.  You know, going to McD's where all of the children are playing and having other moms ask you which ones were your kids.  Explaining "well none, I just came along for fun..."  But overall, I was so grateful to feel a part of a mom's group.  A group I so desperately wanted to fit in with. 

Today those are the same people I find myself with day in and day out.  Most of them have kids years older than Anna, but most of them also have kids the same age as Anna.  No, I still can't contribute to the conversations on tuition costs or uniforms, yet.  But at the same time, none of them can contribute to the conversations on adoption costs or infertility. 

***And as a side note, sometimes that's a challenge too.  Sometimes I just need to talk to someone who understands the challenges of adoption and infertility.  Sometimes I don't want to hear about the challenges and joys of pregnancy, but want to share the challenges and joys of adoption.  That's why I so enjoy getting to know other Catholic Adoption bloggers.  I don't know many IRL adoptive Mamas.  In fact, no one in my close friends.  The ones I know are through our Adoption Support Group but most of them have yet to be placed.  And that's one of the beauties of my blog, is I can freely talk about our journey.***

I guess when it comes down to it, I'm incredibly grateful.  I feel so blessed to be among such wonderful women and families.  I'm glad my husband has the opportunity to be around holy men.  I'm glad that I can fit in, without judgments.  I'm glad that Anna has so many friends who share her Catholic faith.  I feel like that takes a lot of worry off of me as a mom.  I KNOW her friends, she'll attend school with these friends.  I know their families, I know their siblings.  And I know their parents strive for holiness each and every day.

So thanks friends, for your encouragement, your acceptance, and for making me a better mom and wife.  I know how blessed I am.